Graphic Nonviolence

A Belated Comment on Lady Gaga's Meat Dress

2010-09-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

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Lady Gaga created quite a stir by wearing a meat dress to the MTV VMA awards, but here at Fashion Sense we're not sure that's any more disgusting than eating meat is. [The text reads: 'Kiki called me this morning and said, “OMG, did you see the MTV VMAs?” and I was a little too groggy to handle all that alphabet soup, and I just said, “Huh?” and she said, “Gaga!” and that wasn’t any clearer, and she said, “She wore a meat dress,” and I said, “What kind of meat?” and she said, “What difference does it make? It was a dress. Made of meat. And she had a hat and purse to match. And the shoes were the worst of all,” and I said, “Lady Gaga wore a meat bikini before so it’s not such a new thing,” and she said, “Ellen asked her about it on her show after the awards, and Gaga said something incoherent about no offense to veg*ns but she wanted to protest Don’t Ask Don’t Tell being unfair to gays in the military,” and I said, “You know Ellen is gay and a vegan,” and Kiki said, “I know, and she was offended, but I thought you would be way more outraged than you are since you’re always going on about meat and you take care of that strange goose to keep him from being dinner,” and I said, “My goose isn’t strange,” and she said, “I guess you’re the strange one. I expected at least some reaction to Gaga’s antics,” and I said, “Maybe it’s because I’m depressed,” and she said, “About what?” and I said, “About the war and torture and tea party fascism and racism and oil in the Gulf and mountaintops being blown off and factory farming, so what Lady Gaga wears to the MTV VMAs seems pretty insignifcant,” and she said, “PETA was outraged,” and I said, “That’s their job,” and she said, “So you don’t think it’s disgusting for somebody to wear meat?” and I said, “Let’s put it this way. It’s no more disgusting for somebody to wear meat than it is for them to eat it,” and she said, “I’m going to go share my gossip with somebody who will really appreciate it,” and she hung up, and the goose and I went back to sleep for another hour.']

What Inquiring Minds Really Want to Know

2010-08-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

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Chelsea Clinton's recent wedding was covered as well as an event with top security could be, but there are extraordinary events that we aren't getting enough information about, like the war in Afghanistan and the aftermath of the BP oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. [The text reads: 'My not-so-favorite cousin Madison and I went for a boat ride in the park, and she said, “Doesn’t this park remind you of the place where Chelsea Clinton got married?” and I said, “I didn’t pay much attention to the wedding,” and she said, “OMG, didn’t you see her dresses? I mean, she had two by Vera Wang, one for the wedding and one for the reception, and they were both absolutely to die for,” and I said, “I guess I wasn’t that interested,” and she said, “Why not? I mean it was almost as fabulous as a royal wedding (although, to be fair and balanced, if Levi would ever actually marry Bristol Palin, that would be an amazing if sort-of-shotgun wedding, too). Plus I thought sure you’d want to see her vegan cake,” and I said, “There are things we need to know about that we don’t know enough about, and things we don’t need to know about that we know too much about,” and she said, “Now you sound like Donald Rumsfeld,” and I said, “What I mean is that for things like the situation in Afghanistan and the BP oil catastrophe, it takes a WikiLeak to give the full story about one and grumbling fishermen to give a full picture of the other, and yet we know every single detail about Chelsea’s dress whether we need to know or not--and by the way, her cake wasn’t vegan,” and she said, “I thought you said you weren’t paying attention! Even your inquiring mind wants to know,” and I said, “People also want to know about Afghanistan and the Gulf of Mexico, but too many journalists are embedded with the military and/or BP and don’t tell us the truth,” and she said, “However, we do know that Chelsea is currently embedded with Marc, so we have some consolation,” and I said, “I’m serious, Madison. I can’t answer the questions my fish keep asking about the toxic effects of dispersants because there just isn’t enough information, but there’s an endless supply of wedding trivia,” and she said, “Well, I for one appreciated the pomp and beauty of a royal wedding, I mean a celebrity wedding, I mean a wedding of the daughter of a former president and the current secretary of state, and you can’t take that away from me with your negativity,” and I said, “I don’t want to. It’s the funerals, not the weddings, that I’m worried about,” and she just sighed and started paddling as hard as she could toward shore.']

Fashion Sense Opposes Arizona SB 1070

2010-07-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

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Unlike the Alice featured in this Fashion Sense piece, I do live in Arizona. Our legislature has been producing some remarkably hateful laws recently, particularly SB 1070, which would result in racial profiling and other racist treatment for Latinos in our state. Here at Fashion Sense we oppose Arizona SB 1070! [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: "I’m a dedicated knitter, and I have been ever since I found out how much Julia Roberts loves to knit, and I belong to the Mind Your Knitting knitters’ group, and we take a Spa-cation together in Phoenix every summer because the prices are low when it’s hellishly hot there, but this year I read a lot about SB 1070, the anti- immigrant law that was passed in Arizona that encourages racial profiling, so I thought our group should join in the boycott, and on my suggestion we took a vote and decided not to go to Phoenix, and my neighbor, who is also in the group, was furious at me, and this morning she came to my door, and my tortoise hid in his shell and left me alone to deal with her, and the first thing she said was, “You know I was looking forward to my Spa-cation, which I would be packing for right now if it wasn’t for you,” and I said, “Arizona lawmakers are spewing hateful laws like the BP oil well has been spewing crude into the Gulf and we should oppose them,” and she said, “We could write them a letter,” and I said, “That would work about as well as BP’s first top hat and the junk shots they tossed into the well -- which is to say it wouldn’t,” and she said, “Well, you boycotters haven’t been too effective because a bunch of other states are passing similar laws,” and I said, “I agree. Boycotts are like the cap BP’s testing now and the relief well they’re drilling -- not a permanent solution,” and she said, “Doesn’t the name of our group, Mind Your Knitting, mean anything to you? It’s none of your business what the Arizona legislature does because you don’t live there, and it’s none of your business how BP caps its well because you’re not an engineer,” and I said, “That’s like saying it’s none of my business that there’s an oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico because I’m not a sea turtle,” and my tortoise finally came out of his shell, and I said, “Go ahead and tell her about all those sea turtles that were burned alive during the oil clean-up, and why letters aren’t enough,” but he remained stubbornly silent, and my neighbor said, “Honey, you need help,” and I said, “Oh, mind your knitting!” and now the tortoise and I are taking a walk to calm down, although I’m still mad at him for not being willing to stick his neck out to show some solidarity with me."]

Fashion Sense Looks at Our Love for Betty White

2010-06-27T17:02:00.000-07:00

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Everyone loves Betty White right now, and she justly deserves all the attention for her great comedic timing and feisty personality. But maybe there's a little something else behind all the adulation. [Click on the image for a larger version of this piece. The text reads: 'One of my petsitting clients is my friend Jennifer, and she has a lot of rescued animals, and I just stayed overnight at her house so she could go visit her mother, and I admit it was a challenge taking care of 3 dogs, 5 cats, 4 horses, 2 macaws, a llama and a geriatric iguana, and when Jennifer got home she complained about having a big fight with her mother over having so many animals and not getting married and having kids, and then she asked how things had been while she was away, and I didn’t want to tell her about the fact that her mother had called and talked to me about why Jennifer had so many “pets,” so I just said everything was fine, and then she said, “And my mother kept going on and on about how old she is and how old she feels and how she isn’t getting any younger and neither am I, and my biological clock is running out, and now I feel really old,” and since Jennifer is my age I felt compelled to say, “Oh, come on, you’re not old, and you look great. When I feel old I remind myself that there are people like Bette White, who is wildly popular right now with a hit show and is funny and cool, and she outdid all the other talent on Saturday Night Live, and they say she’s the best thing about Hot in Cleveland, and she’s nearly 90,” and she said, “She just gets all that adulation because she’s going to die soon! And people feel like they have to give her one last present of their love and admiration because she’s not long for this world, and she reminds them of their mother and grandmother and great-grandmother that they’ve disappointed and not been able to please no matter how hard they try,” and she was talking louder and louder and in a higher and higher-pitched voice and seemed like she was hyperventilating, and I said, “Take it easy Jennifer. None of us can ever really please our parents, but I’m sure your mother’s very proud of you” and just then her mother called again, and as I walked away with a couple of the dogs to give her some privacy, I heard her say, “No, I don’t expect you to think of an iguana as your grandchild!”']

Fashion Sense Comments on the Gulf Oil Spill

2010-05-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

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The Deepwater Horizon rig keeps spewing oil into the Gulf, and the failure of the Minerals Management Service to regulate big oil has been brought into sharp focus. You remember the MMS. They're the ones that were involved in the 2008 scandal, caught partying with oil company executives. [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: 'While out birding today, I met this hummingbird migrating up from Mexico, and he was, like, I used to summer in Arizona, but I heard about the anti-immigrant law and the boycott, so I’m checking out other options, and I said, “Did you fly over the oil spill from the BP rig in the gulf?” and he was, like, Yeah, it’s so huge it was hard to miss, and I said, “Michael Brown--formerly Brownie of FEMA--said Obama wants the oil to spread so he can justify ending offshore drilling,” and he was, like, The gulls in the gulf are laughing their tail feathers off over that one, and at Rush Limbaugh’s comment that eco-terrorists blew up the oil rig, but then gulls have a weird sense of humor, and I said, “Limbaugh also said the oil could be left in the ocean because oil’s as natural as water,” and the hummingbird was, like, E. coli’s natural, but that doesn’t mean you want it in the water, and I said,”Minerals are natural, but that doesn’t mean you want mercury in the water,” and the hummingbird was, like, Speaking of minerals, I just heard that the Minerals Management Service approved BP’s plan to build that rig without requiring a full environmental impact study, and I said, “They were the ones caught doing drugs and having sex with oil company reps during the Bush years,” and the hummingbird was, like, Maybe that’s what Sarah Palin meant by Drill, baby, drill, and I said, “How can the MMS do their job if they keep sleeping with the enemy, literally and figuratively?” and the hummer was, like, I heard that BP was in the running for an MMS safety award this year!, and I laughed and said, “I guess life’s a beach and then there’s an oil spill,” and the hummer was, like, You humans have a weird sense of humor, too, and I said, “I agree,” but by then he had ruffled his tiny feathers and buzzed away.']

Fashion Sense Wishes We Could Have a Happy Earth Day

2010-04-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

On Earth Day it's hard not to be sad that the Belo Monte dam project will continue, despite many protesters and the intervention of Avatar director James Cameron. [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: 'Mimi, my neighbor who’s obsessed with Avatar, saw me just as I was getting into my car, and she said, “Are you on your way to see your rescued Premarin mare?” and I said I was, and she said, “Then I’ll come along because I want to see how much she reminds me of a Na’vi direhorse,” and after we got in the car she said, “Happy Earth Day,” and I said, “Not so happy, especially since the Belo Monte dam in Brazil is going to be built after all,” and she said, “It seemed like life was going to imitate art for a while, and Cameron and Sigourney were going to come to the rescue of the indigenous people, like in Avatar, but it just didn’t happen,” and I said, “There are still lots of protesters in Brazil, but they can’t seem to stop it,” and she said, “If life really imitated art, we would be able to go to the Amazon and see the rainforest and be Amazon avatars for real, and then we would learn to love Earth the way the Na’vi love Pandora,” and I said, “Lula says he’s a friend of the rainforest and the indigenous people, but Brazil needs power, so they’re going ahead with the dam because progress takes energy,” and she said, “I guess we really need to find our own unobtanium,” and I said, “Or we need to stop using so much energy and be willing to give up our wasteful lifestyle,” and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I want to be an Amazon avatar, not a poor person!” and I said, “So you don’t love Earth the way the Na’vi love Pandora?” and she got mad and said, “Maybe you’d better take me back to my house. Avatar is coming out on DVD today, and I also want to look at 3-D TVs for when it comes out on 3-D Blu-Ray,” and when I finally got to see my mare I gave her an apple and said, “I think it’s strange that people who love Avatar because it’s about living in harmony with nature don’t want to have to change anything in order to live in harmony with nature,” and she just rolled her big brown eyes at me as if to say, “Duh!”']

Fashion Sense Thinks iPads are Nice but Dirty Energy Isn't

2010-04-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

The iPad generated a lot of buzz last week from users and the tech community, including Stephen Colbert, who sliced and diced salsa with his. But Greenpeace reminded us that cloud computing uses lots of energy and contributes to global warming, and everybody who uses the internet should think about how to change that. [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: 'I had to take my gerbil to the vet’s and leave him overnight for some tests, and on my way home I ran into Tiffany, and she said, “I’m so excited because today I’m going to get my new iPad,” and I said, “The iPad looks cool, but according to Greenpeace cloud computing creates lots of greenhouse gases and contributes a lot to global warming,” and she said, “I don’t believe in global warming,” and I said, “Well then your conscience is clear, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real,” and she said, “Stephen Colbert loves his iPad so much he chops vegetables with it, which must mean it’s pretty green,” and I said, “And he also hosted a science smackdown between a meteorologist and a climatologist about whether human activity causes global warming, so who knows what to think about him,” and she said, “Well, I love Stephen, and I follow him on Twitter and Facebook,” and I said, “Those are some of the sites in the cloud that are using too much energy,” and she said, “Not only do I not believe in global warming, I don’t even believe in cloud computing,” and I didn’t know what to say to that, and after I went home I listened to a report about Detroit and the poor fuel-efficiency of American cars, and then I fell asleep and had a dream that Apple invented a new kind of vehicle called an iFloat and people were floating all over the place in them, and they were making iFloats in Detroit which seemed very good for a while, and then it turned out that the iFloat wasn’t really energy-efficient at all and was hugely increasing global warming, but people were listening to their iPods and talking on their iPhones and looking at their iPads the whole time, so they didn’t notice, and I woke up when the vet’s office called and said, “You can come pick up your gerbil -- he’s fine, just showing some signs of age,” and as I was riding my bike over to get him, I was thinking about the fact that by 2020 web hosting alone will surpass the airline industry in carbon emissions, and iWorry.']

For Jesse James or Bill Clinton, Is an Apology Enough?

2010-03-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

[Note to Readers: I've tried photomontage for several Fashion Sense fictigraphics. Now I'm going to use fashion croquis for a while -- they do have an obvious connection; click on the image for a larger version.]

The tabloids have been full of the dramatic story of Jesse James cheating on Sandra Bullock. He apologized, but is that enough? Here at Fashion Sense we're also asking the same question about Bill Clinton's apology over trade policies that have devastated Haiti. [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: '"I was doing yoga at the end of a long stressful day, but my cat was, like, So will Sandra Bullock leave Jesse James, yes or no? I need an answer, and I said, "I can’t give you an answer. It’s up to her. But sometimes a wife stays with a cheating husband if he apologizes," and my cat was, like, But he did apologize, and she moved out anyway. What would you do? and I said, "Well, the apology might just be a ploy, and the mistress has some Nazi-posing pictures in her background, and that wouldn’t be good for Sandra’s career, and I think he’s cheated before, so since marriage is about trust, I think I’d dump him," and my cat was, like, So should Haiti dump Bill Clinton as U.N. special envoy even though he apologized for making them lower tariffs and accept American rice imports which contributes to their post-earthquake food crisis? After all, he cheated on his wife with other women before Monica? and I said, "Now you’re confusing me. Bill Clinton apologized about cheating with Monica long before he apologized about the Haitian tariff thing, so I don’t get the parallel," and my cat was, like, Well, you said it’s about trust. From what I can see Bill has other issues like this in his background; I mean, he signed NAFTA, which did the same thing in Mexico and caused lots of suffering for small farmers whose corn couldn’t compete with American imports, but this may just be a ploy to avoid sending aid to countries like Haiti and Mexico when they’re badly in need, so it’s a matter of trust like it is for Sandra is all I’m saying, and I said, "I still don’t get what you mean," and went back to my yoga, and my cat was, like, I mean should Sandra keep Jesse and should they keep Bill in Haiti? The connection is that both situations were caused by winning. In Bill’s case, he won the Presidency, which tends to make you do bad things to poor countries. In Sandra’s case, she won an Oscar, and the curse of the Oscars makes people lose their partners, and I yelled, "PLEASE GO AWAY AND LET ME DO MY YOGA,"and then I had to apologize for my outburst, and my cat was, like, Well, I don’t accept your apology, and I’m leaving right now -- for good! but since he’s an indoor cat, I have confidence that our relationship will survive.']

Fashion Sense Comments on The Cove

2010-03-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

The people who made the Oscar-winning documentary, "The Cove," did another great thing when they exposed a California sushi restaurant that had whale meat on the menu. The cold-blooded disregard displayed by the restaurant for the lives of other intelligent beings left me almost speechless -- but not quite. [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: 'My grandmother is a Trekkie (she likes the original series), and my mother is a Trekkie (she likes the Next Generation), and I’m a Trekkie (I like anything Star Trek except the new movie), and today I went over to my grandmother’s house, and we watched Star Trek IV again, and afterward she said, “I can’t help myself. I always cry when the aliens finally hear humpback whales and the earth is saved,” and I said, “I love watching Kirk and Spock and Sulu and all the Enterprise crew working so hard to save whales,” and she said, “Did you hear that the people that did that movie about dolphins being slaughtered -- The Cove -- went undercover to catch a sushi restaurant that was serving whale meat?” and we both shuddered at the thought of eating whales, and my grandmother said, “The Cove got an Oscar, which was excellent, but still it was sucky that no sci-fi movies got best picture,” and I said, “The new Star Trek won the Oscar for best makeup, which was all it deserved,” and my grandmother said, “Don’t tell your mother, but I bet $100 that Avatar would win best picture,” and I said, “Grandma, you should stop throwing your money away like that. You could have made a donation to my whale rescue group instead,” and she said, “Hey! Don’t try to make me feel guilty about my little gambling pleasures. The people that are taking the real gambles are the ones that are destroying our oceans and the animals in them,” and I really couldn’t argue with that, especially after she gave me a new ring-tone for my phone that makes it sound like a Star Trek communicator, and now I feel a little guilty because I so quickly replaced my whalesong ring-tone with the sounds of Star Trek.']

Fashion Sense Comments on the Oscars

2010-03-11T10:46:00.001-08:00

Here at Fashion Sense when we watched the Academy Awards we thought about the people who made the fabulous clothes, even as we watched the stars who wore them. [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: 'I was at my sister Chloe’s house yesterday, and we started watching the Oscars together, and Chloe is so star-struck she raves about every A-list celeb she sees, and when I said, “What’s with Charlize Theron’s gown? It looks like she has two purple shoulder pads on her chest,” she said, “Don’t be so horrible. She’s a genius!” and when I said, “I wonder if Jeff Bridges is wearing a Hugo Boss tux,” she said, “Of course he is. He’s a genius,” and I said, “No, I mean because Danny Glover asked all the stars to boycott Hugo Boss at the Oscars,” and she said, “But why? Boss is a genius,” and I said, “Because he’s closing a plant in Cleveland and laying off over 300 workers to go and make his clothes somewhere cheaper,” and she said, “That’s just some union making trouble. Nobody should tell these fabulous people how to dress on their special night,” and rather than argue, I went home to watch the rest of the awards with my rats, and when I got there they had the big-screen TV on, and they told me so far they hadn’t seen any of the A-list guys wearing Hugo Boss, and I said, “How can you tell the difference between one tux and another? And what’s with that blue bow tie Robert Downey Jr. is wearing?” but the rats seem to think Downey’s a genius and wouldn’t comment, and this morning my sister called me and she was crying about the fact that Meryl Streep didn’t win best actress, and she said, “How could the Academy do that to her? She’s a genius,” and I said, “I thought you liked Sandra Bullock,” and she said, “Sandra won a Razzie for worst actress on Saturday, and then she won an Oscar for best actress on Sunday, so enough said,” and I said, “Maybe SAG should go out on strike until they give Meryl her Oscar,” and my sister said, “What a great idea,” and I said, “I thought you didn’t like unions,” and my sister said, “SAG isn’t a union! It’s just a way for actors to band together to help them get the money and conditions they deserve,” and I said, “That’s the same thing the union does for those workers in Cleveland,” and she said, “But the people in SAG actually deserve those things,”and then she made an excuse and hung up because it didn’t take a genius to realize how stupid that sounded!']

Fashion Sense Asks What Frogs and Lady Gaga Have in Common

2010-03-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

Here at Fashion Sense, we deplore the use of unnecessary chemicals, such as herbicides and pesticides, and we think organics make the most sense, fashion or otherwise. We've been reading a lot about the effects of atrazine on frogs this week, because it seems to disrupt their sexual development and weaken amphibian immune systems as well. We're not sure what Lady Gaga has to do with any of that, except to say that the world would be a worse place if she or the frogs were no longer around. [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: 'This is a special meeting of LOVE, our League of Voting Environmentalists, about the local use of atrazine, an herbicide that disrupts amphibian sexual development, and when I said, “Let’s get started--the frogs depend on us,” Melissa said, “Speaking of sex and frogs, remember when Lady Gaga wore all those Kermit the Frog puppets sewn together into an outfit?” and Clarissa said, “She’s surreal,” and Alissa said, “My boyfriend Anton thinks she’s hot,” and Clarissa said, “How can you think somebody’s hot when they wear fake antlers?” and Melissa said, “How about that see-through outfit she wore the other day? That was pretty sexy,” and Clarissa said, “She just came out and said she’s celibate, so why the sexy posturing?”and Alissa said, “She’s a Madonna wanna-be,” and Melissa said, “Madonna’s 51. Somebody has to take over the bleached blonde material girl torch,” and I said, “Hey! I like Lady Gaga too! She helps AIDS causes, and she doesn’t wear fur, and she doesn’t even own a house, but we have to do something about the atrazine, OK?” and I passed around copies of a report and we read it in silence and then I said, “So what next?” and Melissa said, “My friend Larissa used to have the most cutting edge look I ever saw, kind of like a cross between a punk rocker and a female Elvis with just a touch of hair metal, but Lady Gaga has raised the bar so high, it’s hard to think of yourself as edgy if you don’t look like you’re in a Salvador Dali painting,” and Alissa said, “Yesterday I saw a picture of Gaga wearing a lobster on her head, which is very Dali,” and I said, “Enough with the surrealists! Today I’m a realist, so what about the atrazine?” and we stayed on topic for a while until Clarissa asked my dog if he knows why Lady Gaga uses harlequin Great Danes in so many of her videos, and then I called a time out because the members of LOVE can be really hard to LIKE sometimes.']

Fashion Sense Says Eating Animals is Always in Bad Taste

2010-02-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

Here at Fashion Sense we were appalled last week when Chef Beppe Bigazzi gave out his recipe for cat stew. We do, however, agree with PETA that eating any sort of animal is in very bad taste. [Click on the image for a larger version. The text reads: "Last week my sister stormed into my house shouting, "I can't believe it! Some Italian chef actually bragged about eating cats on TV," and I said, "Yeah, Beppe Bigazzi. His network suspended him over it," and she said, "They should do worse than that!" and I said, "PETA agreed with him," and she said, "Say what?" and I said, "I mean they agreed with him when he said that if people eat rabbits and chickens and pigeons, they shouldn't get so freaked at the idea of eating cats," and she said, "He's just making excuses! It's outrageous," and I said, "My goose doesn't think so. He thinks eating geese is as bad as eating cats," and my sister spluttered for a while, and then she said, "But cats are pets," and I said, "So are rabbits and pigs, but people eat them anyway," and she said, "Oh, that's right, I forgot, you vegetarians are so self-righteous you're impossible to reason with; and you don't have any sense of humor either," and I said, "Question: How many meat eaters does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: None because they'd rather stay in the dark about factory farming," and she stormed back out before I could offer her a tasty vegan lunch.']

Fashion Sense Looks Forward to Alice in Wonderland

2010-02-21T16:32:00.000-08:00

Fashion Sense is back again after a long break because the new Alice in Wonderland movie is coming out soon here in the U.S. (and in Europe unless a threatened boycott sends it back down the rabbit hole). We just couldn't overlook the fact that Lewis Carroll invented the original mad tea party, nor could we resist an opportunity to celebrate Johnny Depp. [Click on the image for a larger version of of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My neighbor’s name is Alice, same as mine, but she belongs to America, Drink Your Freedom, which is one of those tea party groups, so the only thing we have in common besides our name is a major crush on Johnny Depp, and when I saw her yesterday, she said, “I can’t wait to see the new Alice in Wonderland movie, but Johnny doesn’t look very sexy in that orange mad hatter wig,” and I said, “Even though he plays odd roles People Magazine just called him sexiest man in the world again!” and she said, “Yeah, I drooled over him when he was wearing all that funky makeup in Sweeney Todd, although not when he was cross-dressing in angora sweaters in Ed Wood,” and I said, “A cannibalistic murdering barber was less of a turn-off than Ed Wood? That’s absurd,” and she said, “Oooooh… I forgot; you moonbats are so politically correct you make the March hare look sane. By the way, how’s your rabbit?” and I said, “He gets a little crazy in March, too, but he never denies global warming or says waterboarding isn’t torture,” and she said, “Another turn-off for me was when Johnny played that gonzo reporter in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. He was madder than a hatter like most liberal journalists,” and I said, “When Johnny plays the mad hatter in Alice he’ll get some firsthand experience with wingnut ideology at the mad tea party,” and she said, “Johnny played Ichabod Crane in Sleepy Hollow. Now there’s somebody who would be appalled at what you and your ilk have done to this country in the past 200 years,” and I said, “In 2003 the real Johnny Depp said that America was like a big, dumb, aggressive puppy with big teeth,” and my neighbor obviously had forgotten about that and stood there for a long time trying to think of a comeback until I said, “I’m late for a meeting with my rabbit,” and scampered off.']

Fashion Sense Comments on the Town Hall Meetings on Healthcare Reform

2009-08-15T10:41:00.000-07:00

Here at Fashion Sense we're wondering about all these hysterical people making threats and outrageous comments about healthcare reform. Is it Astroturfing? Right-wing populism? Will they succeed in preventing us from getting the reforms we so badly need? Talk about using your "second amendment rights" to shoot yourself in the foot! [Click on the image for a larger version of of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Last night I went to a town hall meeting about health care reform, and a woman in the audience said, "I heard that if we have Obama's healthcare plan, they'll give everybody on Medicare Dr. Kevorkian's number and insist we call him," and our congressperson said in a reasonable tone of voice that it wasn't true, and a man said, "I heard that if we have government-run healthcare disabled people like Stephen Hawking will die," and our congressperson reminded people that Hawking lives in England and that he himself recently said the National Health Service saved his life, and another woman said, "Sarah Palin said on Facebook that if we have healthcare reform we'll have death panels to decide the fate of people like her son and parents," and our congressperson said there's nothing in Obama's plan that would create death panels, and I couldn't stand it any more, and I said, "In her resignation speech Sarah Palin asked the media to 'quit making things up,' but why does SHE continue to make things up? And why do people believe what Palin and Rush Limbaugh are saying? What if they said there will be a new reality show where people compete for who gets a liver transplant or heart surgery, and one by one they'll be voted out until the lucky winner gets to live, like some horrible version of The Weakest Link? Would you believe that?” and the lady who asked the question about Dr. Kevorkian said, "I just love The Weakest Link, but I don’t trust Obama," and the guy who asked about Stephen Hawking said with real interest, "How would you try out for a show like that? I mean if it was run by Republicans?" and I thought nothing could be more absurd than that until today when I got a letter from my health insurance company telling me they were raising my premiums by $100.00/ month and they won't pay for the knee surgery I need; my gerbil thinks the letter is so full of bureaucratic doublespeak that William Shatner should read it like a beat poem like he did with parts of Sarah Palin’s speech because laughter is good medicine, and it’s the only free medicine we have available to us right now.']

Fashion Sense Asks if Big Love Deserves an Emmy or a Cancellation

2009-07-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

Big Love got an Emmy nomination for best drama, and though I've only been able to tolerate watching it for a few minutes, I have a very strong opinion about it. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Leda came over while the rabbit and I were doing aerobics, and she said, "Did you hear 30 Rock got 22 Emmy nominations?" and I stopped exercising and said, "Yeah, but unfortunately Big Love was nominated for best drama," and she said, "The show about the guy with three wives?" and I said, "That's the one," and she said, "I watched it for about five minutes and I couldn't stand to see those women competing over the same man and raising his kids within sight of each other," and I said, "The Mormon church outlawed polygamy but apparently lots of people in Utah and Arizona still live that way," and she said, "They seem to be able to have a lot of kids fast -- if that's the kind of thing you're into," and I said, "Rabbits aren't monogamous, which is probably why they're such legendary breeders," and we both looked at my rabbit, and he nodded his agreement, and Leda said, "But you would think humans would realize the earth is straining under the weight of nearly seven billion of us, so we don’t need to fixate on reproduction," and I said, "So are there any shows about women with more than one husband? And would that be better?" and she said, "I don’t know, but in that case the men would be the ones who would have to compete with each other for the wife's attention, rather than the reverse. There would probably be a lot of conflict," and I said, "I don’t think I’d like a show about that either," and Leda said, "I'm sure some politicians are fans of Big Love. I mean if we legalized polygamy in the U.S., guys like Mark Sanford wouldn't have to sneak to Argentina," and I said, "Yeah, I guess you're right; in a country as pro-marriage as this one, polygamy is the only way for these guys to get what they want," and she said, "What a thought," and she took out her phone, and I said, "Please don't Tweet about it -- you don't want to start a trend," and she said, "I'm not. I just wanted to make a movie of your rabbit doing aerobics," which she did and then posted it on YouTube, and my rabbit has hopes it will go viral because he wants to star in an all-rabbit version of Big Love.']

Fashion Sense Comments on the Death of Michael Jackson

2009-07-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson's death last week was a shock. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'When my cousin stopped by to borrow some of my CDs for her Fourth of July party, I was reading an article about Michael Jackson's funeral arrangements, and when she saw it she said, "That's disgusting," and I said, "Disgusting that I buy gossip magazines when I could read this stuff for free on the internet?" and she said, "No, disgusting that they're making such a fuss over Michael Jackson," and I said, "The rats always liked him because his first solo hit, Ben, was about a rat," and she said, "But he was a pedophile," and I said, "I don't think that was ever proven," and she said, "And he was a lunatic that kept changing his face, and he had the audacity to die owing $400 million," and I said, "He really was the King of Pop," and she said, "Now you sound just like everybody else," and I said, "You know that's not something I hear every day," and she said, "I don't understand how you can make excuses for somebody who lived a wildly extravagant lifestyle, which I know you don't approve of, and even kept a chimpanzee as a pet, which I also know you don't approve of. Name one good thing about him," and I said, "He was a historic figure who forced MTV to acknowledge African-American performers and he challenged stereotypes," and she said, "Well, I don't plan to borrow any of your Michael Jackson CDs for my party," and I said, "That's your loss. On the day Michael died, the rats and I listened to Thriller three times, and I taught them to moonwalk," and she said, "I think you like Michael Jackson because he was so strange he makes you seem normal by comparison," and I said, "I thought that was why everybody loves celebrities!"']

Fashion Sense Comments on Mad Mel

2009-06-19T03:35:00.000-07:00

In announcing that he's going to divorce his wife and that his girlfriend is pregnant, Mel Gibson has shown himself to be a hypocrite. Previously, he's shown himself to be a bigot. Here at Fashion Sense we just couldn't resist commenting on Mad Mel. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I'm under a lot of stress, so I'm doing yoga to try to relax, but my cat saw a picture of Mel Gibson and his pregnant girlfriend, and he was, like, Why is Mel Gibson divorcing his wife to be with Oksana? I thought he was supposed to be Catholic? and I said, "He claims to be," and the cat was, like, But I thought Catholics didn't believe in divorcing somebody you have seven kids with to be with somebody younger and hotter, and I said, "I guess Mel belongs to a very special Catholic group," and my cat was, like, So was the passion in The Passion of the Christ about the crucifixion or something else? and I said, "It's the passion of the Mel that's about something else," and the cat was, like, So now he's going to have eight kids? and I said, "Yeah, I guess he actually called himself the Octo-Mel on Leno last week," and the cat was, like, Look at this picture of his new girlfriend -- doesn’t she look a little like Nadya Suleman? and I said, "So what's your point?" and the cat was, like, It makes me wonder if the Octo-Mel craves the Octo-Mom , and I said, "I'm not crazy about Nadya, but she's less of a hypocrite than he is," and my cat was, like, Nor has she gone on any anti-Semitic rants while intoxicated, and I said, "That's another point in her favor. Just FYI, there's going to be a new musical called The Octo-Mom and an Octo-Mom reality show," and my cat was, like, The words reality and Octo-Mom don't seem to go together, and I said, "I guess we have to try to be tolerant of Nadya... and of Mel," and my cat was, like, Why? Mel isn't very tolerant, and I said, "Because tolerance is important, and besides Mel as Mad Max has shown us what the world could be like when we reach peak oil if people are cruel and intolerant," and my cat was, like, Now I'm the one that's feeling stressed. Do you know anything about yoga for cats? ']

Fashion Sense Says Lack of Health Insurance Not Oprah Is the Cause of Health Worries

2009-06-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

Oprah is being criticized for her willingness to discuss alternative medicine, but the biggest threat to the health of citizens of the United States is our lack of decent health insurance coverage. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My sister called me and the first thing she said was, "Did you hear that Newsweek has exposed Oprah's fraudulent healthcare advice?" and I said, "Yes, and I also heard that Forbes says Angelina Jolie is now the world's most powerful celebrity, but I don't believe everything I read," and she said, "If people get more cautious about alternative medicine, it could have a bad effect on your leech therapy business," and I said, "As it turns out, I've decided to give up my leech therapy business and do some part-time petsitting instead," and she said, "But you have to care about the fact that people do what Oprah tells them to do, and these untested natural treatments can have bad side effects," and I said, "That's one part truth to a million parts propaganda," and she said, "That sounds like a toxic homeopathic remedy," and I said, "People certainly have to exercise caution, but the real cause of health care problems in the U.S. is lack of a real health care system," and she said, "But aren't you disturbed by what Oprah is doing?" and I said, "I found Suzanne Somers' description of injecting hormones into her lady parts far more disturbing," and my sister thought for a minute and said, "I guess I'll have to agree with you on that one."']

Fashion Sense Says It's Illogical to Rave Over the New Star Trek

2009-05-25T10:24:00.000-07:00

Here at Fashion Sense, we've seen the new Star Trek movie and honestly don't understand all the rave reviews. We still prefer Star Trek IV (Save the Whales!). [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'When Penny came over to my house last night she said, "Where's your monkey?" and I said, "Peanut wasn't very happy with me, so I let him go live in a primate sanctuary," and she said, "You must be really lonely without any animals around," and I said, "I adopted a couple of whales through a wildlife conservation group. There's a picture of my humpback’s tail," and she said, "Too bad he can't live here," and I said, "He could if Scotty would make him a transparent aluminum aquarium like in Star Trek IV," and she said, "Speaking of Star Trek, did you see the new movie?" and I said, "I was very disappointed. Star Trek is supposed to be full of meaningful if obvious references to real-life problems, and now it's just another action-adventure franchise," and she said, "You know, there weren't many carry-overs from the old movies or TV shows, though they did manage to include a green Orion animal woman in a bikini," and I said, "At least the original sexism survived," and she said, "And they killed off most of the Vulcans so Spock could announce he was a member of an endangered species," and I said, "Whereas in Star Trek IV Spock was trying to help an endangered species, namely humpback whales, " and she said, "Well, the new movie was a huge hit, so I suppose it's nice to see an old favorite like Star Trek live long and prosper," and I said, "I find your attitude most illogical."']

Fashion Sense Says Michael Savage's Ideas About Immigrants are Unhealthy

2009-05-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

The world is still waiting to see how bad the swine flu outbreak will get. Although everyone's concerned about staying healthy, some people, like shock jock Michael Savage, are using this crisis to spread unhealthy ideas. Also, this flu outbreak is a good reason to take a critical look at factory farms. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'When I was on my way to visit my rescued Premarin mare this morning, my right-wing neighbor waved at me as though she had some kind of emergency, so I stopped to see what she wanted, and she said, "Hey! Are any Mexicans on that farm where you keep your horse?" and I asked why, and she said, "Michael Savage says you shouldn't get anywhere near Mexicans or anybody who's been anywhere near Mexicans, because you'll get sick," and I said, "From what I've read, Michael Savage is the one who's sick. Experts say this swine flu originated in the United States," and she said, "We're not supposed to call it swine flu. That's bad for the pork industry. Which reminds me that I'm also angry at the Mexicans for putting that virus into pigs because now I can't eat pork chops or ham, which are my favorites, and later on they'll be more expensive," and I said, "We're not supposed to call it swine flu because agribusiness has so much power they can sue us for defamation when we tell the truth about them. Remember what happened to Oprah when she tried to talk about beef?" and she said, "So are there any Mexicans on that farm?" and I said, "I don't think it's funny to talk about the Aporkalypse, but I also don't think it's the Mexicans that are responsible for this Snoutbreak," and she said, "Well, here's more proof for you: I got one of those e-mail messages telling me that Salma Hayek has swine flu, and I thought, 'She's Mexican, so it's got to be true,' and when I opened the email I got a virus on my computer which proves that Mexicans give you viruses," and I said, "That's some very twisted logic!" and she said, "Thanks. I’ve done a lot of thinking about this thing."']

Fashion Sense Comments on Mad Tea Parties

2009-04-25T02:55:00.000-07:00

Huffington Post called them faux populism; Paul Krugman described them as astroturf events; Fashion Sense thinks it's sad that the mad tea parties wasted so much tea and got more media attention than Earth Day events. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'On Earth Day the dog and I went to the Save the Planet rally organized by our environmental group L.O.V.E., and afterward Marissa invited us to her house for tea, and she made a big pot of organic green, and then she said, "I'm drinking a lot of tea these days as a protest against those tax revolt teabaggers because they're not a real movement no matter what Fox News says," and I said, "Paul Krugman called those tea parties astroturf events -- as in fake grassroots," and she said, "A grassroots group like ours has to work hard to get any publicity, whereas those tea protestors just let Fox News do it for them," and I said, "What difference does it make? No matter what they do at their mad tea parties, it'll always be the 'Obama is the Antichrist' t-shirts that we'll remember them by," and she said, "And all the tea they wasted!" and I said, "I doubt if any of it was organic. Tonight after dinner the dog and I will watch the news to see how they cover the rally. We don't usually get much of a mention unless the anarchists show up and make some trouble, or a Hollywood star puts in a cameo," and she said, "Well, that’s at least one consolation: The environmental movement always gets lots of great celebrities, but all the teabaggers could come up with was Ted Nugent and Glenn Beck."']

Fashion Sense Comments on Obama's Visit to Prague

2009-04-10T05:09:00.000-07:00

Fashion Sense is still in Prague, and President Obama was here last weekend. He made a historic speech about the necessity of eliminating nuclear weapons, which was well received. However, the proposed U.S. radar installation is still under consideration here, despite the fact that most Czechs oppose it. In the meantime, Prime Minister Topolanek, who recently called Obama's economic policies the road to hell, was forced to resign. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'It’s a nice spring morning, so I’m out birding, and I heard beautiful and unfamiliar birdsong, so when I came over to get a better look at the singer, he was, like, "You're right, I'm a song thrush, and I don't belong here," and I said, "You're a European bird, right? Were you blown off course during spring migration?" and he was, like, "Not exactly. I usually winter in Italy and summer in a town named Brdy near Prague, but the U.S. is planning a radar installation there, so I don't want to live there any more," and I said, "On television I saw that our president was in Prague a few days ago, and people there seemed really enthusiastic about him," and the thrush was, like, They do like Obama, but just about all the people and other creatures there are opposed to the radar except Topolanek -- the Prime Minister, and I said, "Isn't he the guy that called Obama's stimulus plan the road to hell?" and the thrush was, like, Most Czechs know the real road to hell is paved with weapons of war, and I said, "Obama said in his speech that he wants to eliminate nuclear weapons," and the thrush was, like, Good. That would make a nice roadblock on the road to hell, and I said, "Speaking of which, does Topolanek always use such rude language?" and the thrush was, like, He's usually pretty dull, but he said he picked up the phrase when AC/DC sang 'Highway to Hell' in Prague, and I said, "I don't know that song. I'm not a fan," and the thrush was, like, Neither am I, but Topolanek's government got a recent no confidence vote, and he was forced to resign, so I'd say right now he's on the Road to Nowhere, and I said, "I AM a Talking Heads fan, and you're very good at these pop culture references," and the thrush was, like, Well, I AM a song thrush after all, and I said, "So are you planning to try out for American Idol?" and the thrush was, like, No, thanks. The auditions, the mean judges, the fickle audiences: that really does sound like the road to hell.']

An Organic Garden at the White House

2009-03-31T00:33:00.000-07:00

There have been so many stories about Michelle Obama's preference for fresh organic foods that we just have to comment (meanwhile, Prague readies itself for a visit from President Obama next weekend). It was nice to read that Ms. Obama helped serve wholesome food in a soup kitchen and that she helped to plant an organic garden at the White House. But right wing commentators have criticized her elitism, showing themselves to be hopelessly muddled hypocrites. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I'm looking for a job again, so when I ran into Madison, who has a lot of contacts, I offered to buy her a cup of coffee, and as soon as we sat down, she said, "That outfit is so Michelle; you seem to be quite a follower of the First Lady," and I didn't want to argue so I said, "It's just something I got from that new thrift shop, Trash and Treasure," and she said, "Speaking of trash, did you hear what Tammy Bruce said when she was guest hosting Laura Ingraham's show," and I said, "I believe she called the Obamas trash, which I think was very vulgar," and she said, "Michelle is a poser," and I said, "If she's posing as First Lady, she's doing a good job of it; she's a fashion icon like Jackie Kennedy, and she just started a White House garden like Eleanor Roosevelt did, but the Obamas' garden will be organic," and she said, "Only an elitist loves expensive clothes and trendy foods," and I said, "Just a few weeks ago she helped a soup kitchen that serves organic food to needy people. So how’s that elitist?" and she said, "I remember that she served broccoli," and she said broccoli as though it was something obscene, "but poor people can't afford to eat organic food," and I said, "My tortoise and I eat only organic produce, and this year we're going to grow our own organic garden, so how cheap is that?" and she said, "George Herbert Walker Bush hated broccoli, and so do I," and I said, "Here's a little factoid for you: W's wife Laura insisted on serving fresh, organic produce at the White House, but she didn't let anybody know," and she said, "That's real class for you. Laura knew it would be elitist to let other people know," and I said, "Maybe I shouldn't tell you that you're drinking organic fair trade coffee," and she quickly got up to leave, saying, "I can't be seen doing something so elitist. Also, I don’t want to be seen in a neighborhood full of unemployed losers that have defaulted on their mortgages."']

Fashion Sense Comments on the Czech President, a Global Warming Skeptic

2009-03-14T03:02:00.000-07:00

Fashion Sense has been in Prague for a week, and Czech President Vaclav Klaus has been in New York for a conference of global warming skeptics. I'll be in Prague for a few more months, commenting on whatever catches my attention, including whatever else Klaus gets up to. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My not-so-favorite cousin Amber just got back from her week in Prague, and I asked her how she liked it, and she said, "I didn't. The dollar is weak, so it was too expensive to rent a car, and we had to use the subway, and there aren't very many Burger Kings, which you know is my favorite, and waiters and shop clerks don't smile at you much," and I didn't think that sounded too bad, so I said, "Did you like anything about it?" and she said, "Well, I love their President, Vaclav Klaus, but he was in New York while I was in Prague because he was speaking at a conference for people who believe global warming is a hoax, which is what I believe, and he says it's just an excuse to steal our freedom," and I said, "But what about rising sea levels?" and she said, "He says the problem is very overstated," and I said, "The Czech Republic is landlocked, so it might not matter to him, but what about the rest of the world?" and she said, "He says we don’t need to worry, and I believe him. I really think he’s a hero, the kind of man who stands alone and refuses to give in, just like that Czech preacher Jan Hus," and then she looked completely enraptured at the idea of Klaus as a martyr to his ideals, and she said, "Hus was burned at the stake, you know, rather than give in to the Church," and I was starting to get annoyed so I said, "I believe that the stakes are high, and we’re going to be burned by global warming if we don’t change our way of life," and she got annoyed too and said, “It would be very inconvenient if that was the truth, but luckily it’s not,” and then to be conciliatory I said, “Some people think wordplay is the lowest form of humor, but I like it,” and she said, “Then you’ll be glad to hear I didn’t get you that amber necklace you wanted, but bought this Czech Me Out t-shirt instead,” and the fish have been laughing their bubbly fishy laugh at it ever since.']

Fashion Sense Comments Belatedly on the Oscars

2009-03-01T08:37:00.001-08:00

Fashion Sense adds a belated comment on the Academy Awards because we especially liked Sean Penn's acceptance speech and his concern about the civil and human rights of gay people. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I was working on my abs again, and my cat wanted to talk about the Academy Awards, and I wasn't really paying much attention, but I thought I heard him say something about milk, and I said, "You know I'm trying to be vegan, but I'll get you some milk if you want it," and the cat was, like, I'm talking about Sean Penn getting best actor for Milk. I thought it was great when he called the Academy "commie, homo-loving sons of guns," and I said, "And it was great that he spoke out in support of gay marriage," and my cat was, like, So what's all the fuss about gay marriage? From what I hear marriage can be very dull and depressing, so I'd think people would be grateful when marriage is gay, and I said, “Since Proposition 8 passed, there are 18,000 gay couples who don’t know whether they’re married or not. I think it’s wrong to punish somebody for wanting to make a commitment,” and my cat was, like, I’m sure that’s what Guy Richie will be saying to the next guy Madonna wants to marry.']

Fashion Sense Denounces New York Post Chimpanzee Cartoon

2009-02-20T12:54:00.000-08:00

Here at Fashion Sense, we love social justice, animals, and cartoons, so you can imagine how much we hated that New York Post cartoon about the dead chimpanzee -- and its implications. We also have a suggestion for anyone who wants to own a chimpanzee: become a Chimp Guardian at the Jane Goodall Institute instead. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Yesterday I had a bad flu, so I stayed home from work, and when I turned on CNN Al Sharpton was talking about a cartoon in the New York Post, and then they showed the cartoon which featured a dead chimpanzee, two police officers with guns, and the caption was about the need to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill; and right then Monique called from work, and she wanted to know where I put the post-it notes, and I told her for the twentieth time, and she said, "I know you're sick, but have you heard about that NY Post monkey cartoon?" and I said that I had, and she said “And of course Al Sharpton is already going on about it,” and I said I’d just seen him on CNN, and she said, "Well, I know you love monkeys, so I figured you'd be appalled by this thing," and I said, "I am," and she said, "Al Sharpton is so overly-sensitive about supposed racial slurs, and so insensitive about the death of a beloved pet," and I said, "The cartoon is insensitive about racist slurs, and I'm appalled that the Post would print such a thing," and she said, "But I thought you would be sympathetic to that poor chimpanzee owner," and I said, "I took my monkey to a primate shelter months ago because he wasn't happy with me, and that's what the chimpanzee owner should have done. Monkeys and apes are wild animals, not pets," and she said, "I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of ownership,” and I said, "I believe in freedom from defamation for African-Americans and in freedom from captivity for wild animals," and she said, "What's a person who loves chimps supposed to do?" and I said, "Adopt one through a wildlife conservation group," and she said, "Now you're just being a hypocrite. I remember how you criticized poor Siegfried and Roy when they adopted all those new tiger cubs," and then I started sneezing uncontrollably and she hung up before I could explain.']

Fashion Sense Says PETA's Super Bowl Commercial Would Have Been the Best

2009-02-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

There's always a lot of buzz about the commercials shown during the Super Bowl, but the sexy PETA veggie love commercial probably would have gotten a lot of attention -- if NBC would have been willing to air it. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Last week my cute neighbor invited me to his Super Bowl party, but when he told me he was going to have hot wings and other meat-based snacks, I said, "Thanks but no thanks. I don't want to watch football with a bunch of carnivores," and he got mad and walked away without another word, so when I ran into him the day after the game I said, "Did you hear PETA tried to get NBC to run a commercial about vegetarianism during the Super Bowl, but it was too sexy," and he said, "Sexy how?" and I said, "It showed some women wearing lingerie who were licking pumpkins and rubbing themselves with asparagus," and he said, "That's ridiculous," and I said, "The ad claimed vegetarians have better sex," and he said, "That's absurd," and then my rabbit reminded him that rabbits, who are vegetarians, are famous for their frequent and energetic sex, and my neighbor said, "That rabbit should be in a Super Bowl commercial next year -- this year all they had was 3D lizards and Clydesdale horses," and then he asked me if I wanted to go out with him, and I said, "I never go out with carnivores," and he said, "But I can't give up meat. I love to play football and have to keep in shape," and I said, "I heard that Tony Gonzalez is trying to be a vegan," and he said, "Tony Gonzalez? From the Kansas City Chiefs?" and I said, "The very same," and he said, "I love the Chiefs," and I said, "I know," and he said he'd think it over, and I said, "If you go veg, I'll make vegan snacks for your Super Bowl party next year," and he said, "And I'll make sure you get some very nice asparagus," which the rabbit and I later agreed was a tempting offer any way you interpret it.']

Fashion Sense Comments on Depression Chic and Other Trends

2009-01-26T16:03:00.000-08:00

According to those in the know, one of the big new trends for Spring 2009 is Depression Chic, which has its good points (people are interested in The Grapes of Wrath) and bad points (they'll sell anything, won't they?). Another big trend is supposed to be python skin accessories, and that has no good points because of the cruelty involved. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: Liv and I went shopping together, and we saw this fringed flapper dress, and I said, "That's a fun dress, but do you think it's going to be in style for long?" and she said, "In New York people are throwing Depression parties and partying like it's 1929, and designers like Aquilano.Rimondi are inspired by what was big around the time of the crash, so yes, I think fringed flapper dresses will be in as long as we're threatened with economic collapse, which is going to be for, like, ages," and I decided to buy the dress, and then we looked at accessories for a while, and she said, "Python is also very, very big right now. Why don't you buy a pair of python shoes and a clutch bag to go with the dress?" and I said, "I can't buy reptile skin! Whatever would my tortoise say?" and she said, "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping and continue to be trendsetters, so I don’t want to hear any excuses ," and I said, "Do you know how those pythons died? They were skinned alive!" and she just smirked at me and bought a big python bag, so I went right home, and then I realized I’d spent too much on the dress, but before I took it back , I decided to try it on so my tortoise could see it, and he clearly disapproves, because though the economic slowdown is something he feels he can live with, the idea of depression chic makes him very depressed.']

Fashion Sense Comments on the Golden Globe Awards

2009-01-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

At last Sunday's Golden Globe Awards there was a focus on films that celebrated optimism and second chances, and Slumdog Millionaire won four awards. Fashion Sense tends toward the cynical and wonders if all this optimism makes sense. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'The rats and I watched the Golden Globe Awards last night, and today we had to go see my sister Chloe, who is very star-struck, and the first thing she said was, "Weren't the Golden Globes a thousand times better than last year?" and I said, "Last year they couldn't really do an awards show because the striking writers threatened to picket it," and Chloe said, "Which was very depressing, but this year the awards were all about second chances and happy endings. Mickey Rourke got best actor, even though his career was dead for more than ten years, and Heath Ledger got best supporting actor, even though HE's been dead for nearly a year," and I said, "I was disappointed that Frost/Nixon didn't win a single award," and Chloe said, "Because it was about the past and pessimism and negativity. Whereas Slumdog Millionaire won best drama because it's about hope and optimism and the future," and I said, "Steven Spielberg won a big award, but I heard one of his charities lost a lot of money in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme; maybe he should make a movie called Scumbag Millionaire to show what the future can be like when you believe in guys like Madoff," and Chloe said, "Don't be so negative,” and I said, “It's hard to be positive in hard times," and Chloe said, "Sally Hawkins won best actress for playing an eternal optimist in Happy-Go-Lucky," and I said, "WALL-EE got best animated film, and it was pretty depressing," and Chloe said, "But it did have a sort of pessimistic optimistic ending," and then suddenly she looked very downhearted, and she said, "But there were some REAL unhappy endings: Glenn Close ended up on the worst-dressed list; Leonardo DiCaprio didn't get a single award. You know I've loved him since Titanic," and before Chloe could start talking about the time she met Leo, I said, "Speaking of Titanic, the rats and I have to go. Just keep your chin up, and try to remember that optimism is the new pessimism."']

Fashion Sense Says Goodbye to President Bush

2009-01-08T12:24:00.000-08:00

At a screening of the movie Frost/Nixon, Chris Wallace criticized other panel members for comparing Richard Nixon's impeachable offenses to George W. Bush's actions in the war on terror. He said, "Whatever George W. Bush did was after 9/11. . . and in service of trying to protect this country," yet Bush's record is so egregious, Fashion Sense wonders who can really believe this. According to a recently compiled list of Bushisms, on Aug. 5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defense spending bill, our soon-to-be ex-President said the following: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Truer words were never misspoken. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I was out birding on New Years Day, and a hawk flew over to me and was, like, Are you by any chance a vegetarian? and I said that I was, and the hawk was, like, You know I'm getting really tired of chasing after screeching birds and pouncing on terrified rodents, and I'm thinking about making a New Years resolution to go vegetarian, and I said, "That's a nice thought, but I think that, unlike humans, hawks have to be carnivores," and the hawk was, like, Speaking of humans, I hate it that somebody who supports a senseless war is called a hawk, and somebody who opposes it is called a dove; I'm a peace-loving bird, and I said, "I admit I’ve called George W. Bush a hawk plenty of times, and I hope someday he'll be punished for his war crimes," and the hawk was, like, I heard that Chris Wallace went ballistic at a screening of the new Frost/Nixon movie when Ron Howard compared Bush's conduct in the Iraq war to Richard Nixon's crimes, and I said, "Yeah. Wallace said Nixon did what he did for personal gain, and Bush did what he did for the good of the country, but I don't think even Bush believes that. I just read a list of so-called Bushisms, and he best summed up his own term in office when he said: 'Our enemies … never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we,'" and the hawk was, like, How ironic! and then suddenly he was, like, Tasty dove! Gotta go! and a hawk's instincts being what they are, he flew off at lightning speed, so I yelled, "I guess you can't help being a hawk, but what's Bush's excuse?"']

Fashion Sense Says Clean Coal is as Unreal as Santa Claus

2008-12-31T09:57:00.000-08:00

There have been some memorable images of Santa Claus this holiday season, including Santa Claus as murderer, but one Santa who tried to bring sanity rather than mayhem was the one who gave coal to the board members of the Tennessee Valley Authority and a message about the terrible consequences of using coal as an energy source. A few days later, a huge spill of toxic slurry into the Tennessee River emphasized the message that there's no such thing as clean coal -- even if it is possible to scrub away the greenhouse gases, the current method of extracting coal destroys whole mountains and coal's byproducts poison our waters. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'The day after Christmas I was at Virginia's house giving her a leech therapy treatment, and the TV was on so we saw some news about that murderer who dressed as Santa Claus, and before I could say anything about the victims she said, "I'm really getting upset about people who make Santa Claus look bad because I love him, and I worry about his image," and I said, "I agree that he does have an image problem -- he flies all over the world every year giving out loads of consumer crap, and some people say he overworks those poor elves and abuses the reindeer," and she said, "Oh, I hope you don’t believe everything you hear. Poor Santa is a major celebrity, yet anybody who wants to can dress like him and impersonate him," and I said, "Did you hear about the the holding pond that broke recently and dumped millions of gallons of toxic coal slurry into the Tennessee River?" and she said, "What's that have to do with Santa?" and I said, "A few days before that happened, Santa Claus brought lumps of coal to board members of the Tennessee Valley Authority to tell them it’s bad of them to burn so much coal because slurry spills are polluting our water (which is where leeches live, you know), and coal creates huge environmental problems like the destruction of whole mountains when it’s extracted and the emission of greenhouse gases when it’s burned, so I was happy about what Santa did, though he ended up in jail, and then this latest disaster occurred," and she said, “See? That’s what I mean. Anybody can pretend to be Santa and use his good name to call attention to their cause, which ought to be illegal. Besides, I don’t think there’s any such thing as global warming, do you?" and I said, "Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as global warming. And clean coal is even more of a fantasy than Santa Claus!”']

Fashion Sense Says We Need an Auto Industry that Respects Workers and the Environment

2008-12-15T09:55:00.000-08:00

Republican Senators turned down the Big 3 auto bailout, citing excessive labor costs. But the figures used to justify this decision are bogus. The U.S. auto industry has far more serious problems than labor costs, and there are only green solutions. [Click on the above image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Yesterday I was riding my bike, and I saw Tiffany going into the bank, and I stopped to ask how her designer Christmas cookie business is doing this year, and she said, "Because of the war on Christmas, people aren't ordering a lot of cookies," and I said, "Maybe it's the economy," and she said, "No, there's a war on Christmas! Stephen Colbert had a whole special about it, which was great, though I didn't like the part where Willie Nelson was a wiseman bringing marijuana to the baby Jesus," and I said, "But people are really suffering this holiday season. And as if things aren't bad enough, Congress just told the autoworkers that their jobs aren't worth saving unless they make huge concessions," and she said, "Well, I understand that. I had to go to school for a long time before I started my designer Christmas cookie business, and even so I don't earn $73/hour," and I said, "Neither do the UAW people. That's a bogus figure that factors in all the retiree benefits," and she said, "Well, those UAW workers get way more in health benefits than any cookie designer I know," and I said, "If the U.S. had universal health care, companies wouldn't have such enormous health costs," and she said, "I would think you'd be against bailing out big corporations, especially car companies," and I said, "I don’t even own a car, but if we lose the U.S. auto industry, this country won't make anything any more!" and she said, "As a designer Christmas cookie maker, I resent that!" and I said, "How will people be able to afford upscale items like your designer Christmas cookies if they don't earn decent wages?" and she said, "People have to learn to live within their means! This year I have a generic line of Christmas treats that suit even the most modest and economy-stressed budget," and I said, "Like what?" and she said, "I say, if they can't afford designer cookies, let them eat fruitcake!" and I said, "My gerbil nibbles on everything, but even he won't eat fruitcake," but her cell phone rang right then, and she didn't hear me.']

Fashion Sense Comments on James Bond, Coca-Cola, and Eco-villains

2008-12-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

The latest James Bond movie, "Quantum of Solace," features a villain who pretends to be an environmentalist while trying to steal water resources. Ironically, Coca-Cola, which came out with Quantum of Solace Coke Zero to coincide with the movie's release, also pretends to be environmentally responsible while using up other people's water. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My younger brother is a huge James Bond fan and he has a big collection of Bond memorabilia, and when he came to see me today he had two black bottles with him, and I said, “What’s in the bottles?” and he said, “Limited Edition Quantum of Solace Coke!” and I said, "I didn't know James Bond drank Coke," and he gave me one of those exasperated looks and said, "He drinks martinis, but this is Coke Zero, and Bond is Zero Zero Seven, get it?" and I said, "Isn't the villain in Quantum of Solace trying to steal Bolivia's water?" and he said, "Yeah, Dominic Greene pretends to be an environmentalist, but he really wants to control the water supply," and I said, "So Dominic Greene is kind of like Coca Cola," and he gave me another exasperated look and said, "In what way?" and I said, "Coca-Cola claims to be very concerned about the environment, but they earn huge profits from soft drinks and bottled water and end up stealing people's drinking water in places like India," and then he said, "Speaking of water, your aquarium is ridiculously huge. If you were a Bond villain, you'd be the guy in The Spy Who Loved Me who wants human civilization to start over again under the ocean," and I know that when my brother is mad at somebody he starts comparing them to Bond villains, so I waited a while and then I said, "Critics are saying that Quantum of Solace is more like a Jason Bourne movie than a Bond movie," and my brother happily spent half an hour telling me why those critics spew total crap, and he finished by saying, "Besides, everybody knows Jason Bourne movies are complete fantasies!"']

Fashion Sense Thinks Michael Vick has Paid a Bigger Price for Animal Cruelty Than Most

2008-12-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

On Thanksgiving I thought about how few people ever pay any price at all for their cruelty to animals. Maybe Michael Vick deserves a second chance. (And speaking of animal cruelty, here's a little info about how that Thanksgiving turkey was slaughtered.) [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My sister and I wanted to avoid the big family get-together at Thanksgiving, so I invited her to my place for a quiet meal, and as soon as she got here she said, "I just heard that Michael Vick might get out of jail early and might not have to serve his full sentence for dogfighting," and I said, "Yeah, but he did lose a lot of money, and he's been in Leavenworth for a while, so maybe he's paid for his crimes against animals," and she said, "I think he should spend a year in prison for every dog he tortured," and I said, "I don't think that would be fair at all! The people who own factory farms torture billions of animals so people can eat cheap meat, and they never spend a day in Leavenworth," and she said, "Those are business practices, not crimes," and I said, "I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, whether it's for fun or profit," and she said, "OK, whatever. How's the goose?" and I said, "He keeps asking, 'If Americans can put a man on the moon, why can't they get everybody to eat tofurky on Thanksgiving?'" and she said, "Oh, god, I forgot that you’re a vegetarian now. Don't tell me we're having tofu turkey for lunch?" and I said, "It's in the oven now. It's delicious," and she said, "Um... well... um... I forgot to tell you I'm going to Grandma's house for dinner, and there'll be ham and pot roast and chicken and turkey and all the trimmings, so I'll just have a cup of coffee and watch you enjoy your lunch," but she kept saying "Ick!" under her breath while I ate, so neither of us enjoyed ourselves very much.']

Fashion Sense Tries to Understand Ted Turner

2008-11-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

Ted Turner has been making the rounds lately, promoting his new memoir. Though Turner has done some good deeds, he's still a billionaire and the largest individual landowner in the U.S., with all the problems and complications that implies. [Click on the above image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'As usual, when I was on my way to visit my rescued Premarin mare, I ran into my next-door neighbor, and she said, "Hey, did you see Ted Turner on Sixty Minutes the other night?" and I said, "No, I missed that," and she said, "I assume you like Ted Turner since he used to be married to Jane Fonda and is a big liberal media tycoon and loves the United Nations and has a huge ranch where he lets the buffalo roam," and I said, "I like some things about him, but I'm not a big fan," and she said, "That really surprises me, but then I mostly like him because he gave us Turner Classic Movies, and I love watching those old Westerns. I mean, you love Westerns, right? I mean, you being a horsewoman and all," and I said, "I don't watch most Westerns because they usually treat American Indians pretty offensively and lie about how the West was stolen," and she said, "On Good Morning America I heard Ted say that he wants to earn enough money with his new book and his restaurants to buy back the Atlanta Braves. That shows he appreciates Indians, right?" and I said, "When Turner owned the Atlanta Braves, American Indians were upset that he wouldn't stop using the tomahawk chop, and some don't like the way he raises and slaughters his buffalo," and she looked very annoyed when she said, "Speaking of Westerns, your whole life's philosophy seems to be that there's The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, and you choose to emphasize the ugly -- but, oh, excuse me, I forgot, you don't watch Westerns, do you?" and I said, "Well, I did enjoy Brokeback Mountain," and she just rolled her eyes and walked back into her house.']

Fashion Sense Says There's Work to Be Done

2008-11-10T09:03:00.000-08:00

Obama won, and for a while Americans have celebrated the election of our first African-American president. But everywhere we look -- from our economy to our environment -- our country is in a shambles. We have a lot of work ahead of us! [Click on the image to see a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Tonight we're having a LOVE meeting -- the League of Voting Environmentalists -- and we're supposed to be having a post-election strategy session, and everybody is excited about the fact that Obama won, but nobody wants to get down to business, and as soon as I got here Alissa said, "Did you see that dress Michelle was wearing on election night? What was up with that?" and Melissa, who is very big on Michelle, said, "I thought it was very cool," and Clarissa said, "I wonder when we'll find out if Al Franken won his Senate seat?" and Larissa said, "I don't know why he wouldn't win. He's good enough and he's smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like him... Remember when he was Stewart Smalley on Saturday Night Live?" and everybody laughed and talked about Tina Fey doing Palin on SNL for a while, and then Clarissa said, "Do you think Palin's wardrobe really looked like it was worth $150,000?" and we critiqued Palin's shoes for a while, and finally I said, "Hey, you guys are starting to sound like the commentators on Entertainment Tonight," and Alissa said, "Well, Barack is the biggest celebrity in the world right now," and I said, "But he's also the president-elect, and our country is a mess, and we all have a lot of work to do," and Larissa said, "Speaking of commentators, I really don't think Leno should have made fun of Wolf Blitzer’s holograms," and I said, "I'm going to take my dog out for a piddle," and Clarissa said, "Would you bring in the copy of People Magazine from my car?" and Alissa told me to ask my dog what kind of puppy the Obamas should get for their kids, and I said, "You know, I'm not sure I enjoy being in LOVE any more," and Clarissa said, "That's exactly what Britney Spears always says, but she never means it."']

On Halloween Fashion Sense Celebrates Bats

2008-10-31T16:11:00.000-07:00

Along with bees, bats are increasingly endangered and very important pollinators. Halloween is a great time to celebrate them and get rid of all our prejudices and misconceptions. [Click on the above image to view a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I was out with my binoculars a little before dark on Halloween, trying to spot an owl I thought I heard, when a bat began to flutter around my head, which I admit freaked me out a little, and the bat was, like, Why do people find bats so repulsive? and I said, "Um, I don't know. Bats fly at night, and they don't have feathers on their wings like birds do, and they make strange noises," and the bat was, like, The same things could be said about a commercial jet on a redeye flight. No, I think people see animals as either good and cute or bad and ugly, and bats are definitely in the latter category, and I said, "Bats must be at least a little bit attractive to us because we love Batman, who tries to look and act like a bat," and the bat was, like, Yeah, I did hear that the latest Batman release -- The Dark Knight -- did very well at the box office, and I said, "I saw a list of Top-Earning Dead Celebrities in Forbes, and the recently deceased actor who played the Joker in that movie came out in third place," and the bat was, like, So who was the first-place top dead celebrity earner? and I said, "Elvis, and weirdly enough, Albert Einstein was number four on the list," and the bat was, like, Is it true that Einstein once said that if there are no more bees there will be no more humans in four years? And I said, "According to what I've read, that quote is apocryphal," and the bat was, like, Since, bats are disappearing, too, and we're important pollinators, why are there no apocryphal Einstein quotes about bats? and I said, "I don't know," and the bat was, like, "Endangered species can be worth saving even if humans don't think they're cute, and as it flew off, I called after it, "Don't forget to look at all the cool, creepy bat decorations tonight.”']

Fashion Sense Comments on the Return of Gordon Gekko

2008-10-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

There's going to be a sequel to Wall Street. Will Gordon Gekko still think "Greed is good?" [Click on the above image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My cousin Tiffany called and asked if I wanted to come to her Coalition of Women in Business luncheon, and I said, "Thanks but I don't have a business," and she said, "Well, the speaker is going to talk about the credit crunch and explain why the government is nationalizing the banks. I remembered that you're a socialist, so I thought you might be interested," and I said, "What makes you think I'm a socialist?" and she said, "You were such a radical back in the 80s," and I said, "I was a Vegetarian Skateboarder for Social Responsibility. And I did have friends that were socialists," and she said, "I remember when we saw 'Wall Street,' and you went on and on about how much you despised Gordon Gekko," and I said, "First of all, I don't like Michael Douglas. And secondly, I think you're supposed to dislike a character who says, 'Greed is good,'" and she said, "And you called the Wall Street brokers a bunch of dirty rats," and I said, "I doubt that I called them dirty rats, Tiff. You know I keep rats as pets," and she said, "Ugh. Please don't bring your rats to the luncheon. Maybe you called the brokers fat cats. Anyway you used to be pretty radical," and I said, "I heard they're going to make a sequel to Wall Street and continue Gordon Gekko's story in the current financial crisis," and she said, "OK, but do you want to go to the luncheon or not?" and I said, "Do they have a vegetarian option?" and she said, "I'm sure you can get a salad," and I said, "OK. I'll come. After all, Gordon Gekko said 'Lunch is for wimps,'" and she said, "Honestly, I think you're even more baffling than the economy is."']

Fashion Sense Tries to Make Sense of Sarah Palin Again

2008-10-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

This is the third time Fashion Sense has commented on Sarah Palin, this time using Matt Damon's comment that a Palin presidency would be like a bad and terrifying Disney movie. [Click on the above image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I took Peanut to a primate rescue center because he really wasn’t very happy, and I rented a couple old Disney movies to make myself feel better, and I invited Ceci to come over and watch them with me, and she brought us some organic popcorn, and we enjoyed the show, and after the movies were over, we watched a little of the news, and Ceci said, "Remember when Matt Damon said the terrifying possibility of Sarah Palin becoming president is like a bad Disney movie called The Hockey Mom? " and I said, "Yeah, but I think Palin's whole life is like a bunch of different Disney movies -- she's always smiling like Pollyanna, but she's less truthful than Pinnochio," and she said, "I just read that she's distantly related to Princess Diana and she's definitely been raised suddenly and unexpectedly above her station in life, so we can throw in The Princess Diaries," and I said, "And she's as callous toward wild animals as the cruel hunter that killed Bambi's mother," and Ceci said, "Should we mention Dumbo?" and I said, "Better not. She'd only hunt him down," and she said, "What about Dinosaurs?" and I said, "No. That movie offended fundamentalists who don't accept the theory of evolution. Palin thinks they should teach creationism in the schools," and she said, “And Palin’s attitude toward the environment, if she became president, would lead us to the devastated future Earth depicted in WALL-E. I mean, wouldn't it?" and I said, "You betcha," but I wasn't smiling or winking when I said it.']

Fashion Sense Empathizes with Victims of the Housing Crisis

2008-10-05T11:16:00.000-07:00

Fashion Sense says Main Street (i.e., where people are in danger of losing their homes to foreclosure) deserves to be bailed out more than Wall Street does. However, now is the time to consider other options besides home ownership -- even for Ed McMahon. [You can see an animated version of this cartoon on Alice's website. Click on the above image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I was at the pond today borrowing leeches for my leech therapy business, and then when I was on my way to get some cash, my sister the realtor called, and she said, "I have a great deal for you," and I said, "I don't want to buy a house," and she said, "It's perfect for a trendy person like you," and I said, "You mean you're desperate to unload it," and she said, "Donald Trump says now is a great time to buy a house," and I said, "I work at a cruelty-free body-care store, and I have a part-time leech therapy business. I'm not ready to buy a house," and she said, "It's the American dream," and I said, "I don't want the responsibility or the extra work," and she said, "Don't you want to be respectable?" and I said, "Respectable like Ed McMahon, willing to rap for FreeCreditReport.com after he lost his house?" and she said, "Do you really want to be a loser in an apartment all your life?" and I said, "During the housing bubble developers destroyed farmland and wildland so people could invest in second and third homes; even if I could get a loan, I don't want any part of that," and she said, "Leeches are disgusting," and I said, "The real leeches are on Wall Street," and she said, "Can I borrow $100?" and I said, "I can even let you have it at sub-prime rates," and she said, "I don't think that's very funny," but she's going to come over to my place tonight to get a loan and a free leech therapy treatment.']

Fashion Sense Thinks Bush is a Better Illusionist Than Blaine

2008-09-26T15:55:00.000-07:00

David Blaine's dive of death wasn't considered to be a great success. Now the Bush administration is trying to keep its credibility among Republicans while bailing out Wall Street. If they succeed, it will be one of the greatest illusions of all time. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Leda's father was at her place watching financial news on her plasma screen TV, and he was going ballistic about the stock market, so she came over to my place, and we watched re-runs of David Blaine hanging upside down for sixty hours and making his supposed dive of death, and Leda said, "Actually, that was pretty lame," and I said, "A lot of stuff he does is pretty lame, but Houdini showed that taking senseless risks can sometimes be spectacular," and Leda said, "But Blaine didn't even stay upside down the whole time; he took breaks," and I said, "It would have been too risky to be upside-down the whole time -- it could have made his head explode or something," and she said, "Now that would have been spectacular," and I said, "The rabbit and I like him because he doesn’t use any animals in his act, and also I think he’s trying to tell us something," and Leda said, "What?" and I said, "He was hanging upside down over New York while the government figured out how to bail out Wall Street, and he didn’t do a very good job of it. Maybe he wants us to know that big finance is the greatest escape artist, and the government is the real illusionist, as they try to make a multi-billion dollar bailout at taxpayers expense seem reasonable," and she said, "So Blaine represents the little guy who has to manage his own risks, while the Bush administration doles out corporate welfare and turns everything they’ve ever said about the free market upside down," and I said, "It’s enough to make your head explode," and she said, "I think I better go check on my dad," and after she left, the rabbit and I tried to do a little levitation act, which is our way of saying we'll have to hang tough until we see how the latest Wall Street illusion works out.']

Voting for Sarah Palin Doesn't Make Sense at Fashion Sense

2008-09-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

Some women are impressed by Sarah Palin's fashion sense and claim they will vote for her because she is a woman, but that doesn't make sense to Fashion Sense. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Michelle Obama made People Magazine's best-dressed list, and I really like her crisp, classic look, so I tried to dress like that when I went to meet Tea for lunch, and when I got there I was surprised to see Tea in rimless glasses, open-toed shoes and upswept hair, and I said, "What's with the Sarah Palin look?" and she snapped back, "What's in your bag? Some Michelle Obama terrorist accessories?" and I said, "Let's just have a nice lunch and not get too unpleasant in this election season," and she said, "I'm sorry. I'm not even a Republican, and I don't know what came over me. But as soon as I put on this outfit, I got all self-righteous and developed an enormous appetite for fresh-killed game," and she ordered rare venison, and I had a salad and sneaked a little of it to my tortoise who was the real reason I was carrying such a big bag, and then Tea said, "Is that arugula? You are such an elitist," and then she took out her make-up bag and started doing her lips, and she whispered, "What does it really mean? Lipstick on a pig? Is that some Islamic curse?"']

Sarah Palin's Choices Don't Make Sense at Fashion Sense

2008-09-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

Though Fashion Sense usually comments on celebrity antics, I think that the extensive tabloid coverage of Sarah Palin's family life qualifies her as a temporary celebrity. Her positions on family planning and wilderness protection are particularly troubling. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My neighbor was coming out of her house when I was on my way to visit my rescued Premarin mare, and before I could pretend I didn't see her, she shouted, "Hey! Did you hear the Republicans have a woman VP?" and I said, "I couldn't help but hear about it. Sarah Palin is all over the grocery store tabloids, like any other celebrity," and she said, "Isn't it great to have a woman running for such a high office?" and I didn't say anything, so she said, "She's a real woman, just like you and me," and I said, "Well, she isn't much like me because I don't like hunting," and she said, "It's a free country, and you don't have to hunt if you don't want to," and I said, "And I don't like fishing," and and she started to get that combative gleam in her eye, and she said, "Like I said, it's a free country, and you don't have to fish if you don't want to," and I said, "And I don't like guns," and she said, "And you don't have to have a gun if you don't want to," and I said, "And I don't want to have any kids," and she looked like she was running out of patience, and she said, "Well, you don't even have a boyfriend, do you? You don't have to have any kids if you don't want to," and I said, "My mare was forced to bear foal after foal so that she would continue to pee out hormones the drug companies needed, and I sympathize with any female forced to be pregnant," and my neighbor said, "You like to make everything unpleasant and complicated, don't you?" and I said, "Unwanted pregnancy is unpleasant and complicated, and according to what I've read, Sarah Palin is even against birth control pills," and my neighbor said, "I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you gave your horse birth control pills," and she stormed away before I could ask her if, in this free country, I would have to have drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge if I didn't want to. ']

Vicky Cristina Barcelona; Gustav Katrina New Orleans

2008-09-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

In the wake of hurricane Gustav, I had a few thoughts on Javier Bardem's aversion to cars and on Trouble the Water, a film about Katrina and New Orleans. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Rosa called and asked if I wanted to see a movie, and I said, "Which one?" and she said, "How about Vicky Cristina Barcelona?" and I said, "I heard it has tons of beautiful footage of the city," and she said, "And tons of beautiful footage of Javier Bardem," and I said, "I read in Time that he doesn't like to drive and calls cars speeding bullets," and Rosa said, "Speaking of cars, when are you going to get one?" and I said, "I’m not. My bike is good enough for me," and she said, "But what if you had to take your injured child to the ER?" and I didn't bother to remind her that I don't have any kids, and I said, "If my gerbil had a midnight emergency, I’d put him in a carrier and call a cab," and then I said, "I want to see Trouble the Water, too -- it’s about Katrina and New Orleans," and she said, "I just heard an interview with Danny Glover, who produced it; he said the reason all those poor people couldn't evacuate was because they didn't have cars, which is another good argument for owning one," and I said, "Or a good argument for decent public transit. And what’s really indecent is that a lot of them still haven’t made it back home again, especially the ones who are African American," and she said, "Hurricane Gustav wasn’t too bad, but they made everybody leave the city just in case; maybe someday we’ll all be evacuated from here for some reason, and then what will you do?" and I wanted to change the subject, so I said, "So which movie do you want to see? Vicky Cristina Barcelona or Gustav Katrina New Orleans?" and Rosa said, "Trouble the Water is too depressing. Let's see the Woody Allen. I'll pick you up at 7:30," and I said, "No, thanks. I'll ride my bike. I need the exercise," which seems to be the one reason for traveling by bike that car addicts don’t try to argue with.']

Madonna Has Turned 50 and Isn't a Feminist Yet

2008-08-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

Madonna turned fifty and is still in great shape (and just started her "Sticky and Sweet" tour), but I don't think she was ever a feminist. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Madonna turned 50 a little while ago, and she's still in great shape, and I want to get flat abs like hers, and today just as I started doing my exercises, my cat wanted to talk, and she was, like, So do you really admire Madonna? and I said, "I wish I had a body like hers," and she was, like, And do you think Madonna is a feminist? and I said, "I guess so. She's a strong woman who does what she wants and isn't afraid to be herself," and my cat was, like, What about this thing between her and A-Rod? Do you think they were really having an affair? and I said, "She claims they weren't, but the gossip magazines were full of rumors, and his wife just divorced him," and my cat was, like, I was spayed a long time ago, so I don't know much about the whole sex thing, but didn't Madonna's focus on her provocative sexuality help to introduce the post-feminist backlash? and I said, "I guess I haven't really given it a lot of thought," and my cat was, like, And also if Madonna was really a feminist and thought sisterhood was powerful, wouldn't she care more about how A-Rod's wife felt during that seamy little scandal? and I said, "Yeah, regardless of whether or not the rumors are true, if women like Madonna were really feminists, it would probably be harder for men like A-Rod to cat around, if you know what I mean," and my cat suddenly got very animated, and she was, like, So you believe there's something positive about a pairing of equal partners, committed to each other, with no real room for interlopers? and I said, "Yeah, I guess so," and my cat was, like, Well then why did you bring that stupid shelter cat home and allow her to come between us?']

Julie Child Had to be Tough -- to be a Spy and to be a French Chef!

2008-08-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

Recent revelations that Julia Child was a spy for the OSS don't surprise me. Her work for the OSS during World War II is notable, but I don't think her role as celebrity French chef is cause for celebration. You have to be tough to ignore the cruelty and environmental problems inherent in the production of meat, especially veal and other staples of French cuisine. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Kiki just called, and I told her I was cooking dinner, and she said, "God, vegetarians are always in the kitchen," and I said I like to cook, and she said, "Speaking of cooking, did you hear that Julia Child used to be a spy? She must have been pretty tough," and I said, "I think you have to be tough to be a French chef. They turn a blind eye to suffering when they make all that veal and pate de foie gras," and Kiki said, "Speaking of tough old birds, how's the goose?" and I said, "Happy not to be dinner," and she said, "I heard Julia Child didn't like vegetarians," and I said, "Neither does the meat industry, but becoming a vegetarian helps end animal suffering and helps stop global warming. Did you know that the methane cattle and their manure produce has a global warming effect equal to that of 33 million cars?" and Kiki said, "I'm going out to eat, so I don't want to hear any more disgusting factoids," and she hung up on me before I could say, "Bon appetit!"']

Yao Ming Used to Play for the Shanghai Sharks, and He Doesn't Eat Shark Fin Soup

2008-08-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

During this Olympic season, Fashion Sense pays tribute to Chinese athlete Yao Ming, who not only used to play for the Shanghai Sharks, but also has pledged not to eat shark fin soup because the slaughter of sharks is endangering these important creatures. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I agreed to meet Amber at the aquarium today, even though I don't enjoy seeing creatures in captivity, because we were watching the U.S. vs. China Olympic basketball game, and she said, "Why is Yao Ming playing for China? I thought he played for the Houston Rockets?" and I said, "He's a Chinese citizen so in the Olympics he plays for China," and she got caught up in the game for a while, and then she said, "Why would he want to play for China? They couldn't even control the weather and cut pollution for the Olympics the way they said they would?" and I said, "It's really hard if not impossible to control the weather, but I agree they didn't do a very good job with the pollution," and she yelled, "Go U.S.A!" and got really caught up in the game for a while, and then I said, "But humans have too much control over sharks and tigers and lots of creatures that once seemed stronger than us, and I like Yao Ming because he made a promise not to eat shark fin soup any more," and she yelled "Go U.S.A!" again and got really excited about a Kobe Bryant slam dunk, and then she said, "You know, sharks are just huge killing machines that eat surfers," and I said, "Sharks are starting to go extinct, partly because shark fin soup is such a delicacy; fishermen catch sharks, cut off their fins and dump them back into the ocean to die slow deaths," and then the game ended and Amber yelled, "U.S.A. rules!" and I was getting sick of Olympic nationalism, so I invited her to see a shark up close and find out what Yao Ming and other people are trying to save, and to my surprise she agreed, and now I'm standing here beside the shark tank, and I love looking at the shark, but I really hope Amber gets here soon because feeding time is coming up, and I don’t really want to watch. ']

Bush, Not Hilton or Spears, is the World's Most Widely Recognized Media Creation

2008-08-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

The Recent McCain ad that compares Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton neglects to mention that George W. Bush is actually the most widely recognized media creation in the world; without the help of Fox News and the rest of the media, Bush couldn't have remained in office for nearly eight years. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I'm getting more serious about birding, and I was out with my binoculars, and the first bird I spotted was a plain old dove, and I turned away impatiently, but the dove flew over to me, and she was, like, What's wrong? A common dove like me isn't enough of a glamor bird? and I said, "Really, you're lovely," and she was, like, I saw that bored-to-tears expression on your face; if you want to make a celebrity sighting, take your binoculars to the beach and wait for Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, and I said, "I'd definitely be bored to tears by either of those self-indulgent celebrities," and the dove was, like, Speaking of celebrities, what's up with that new McCain ad comparing Barack Obama to Spears and Hilton? and I said, "Actually our current president is the one who's a vapid but widely recognized media concoction. Bush can barely speak coherently and has proven himself to be corrupt and incompetent. Only the collusion of Fox News and other media could have kept him in power this long. And unlike Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, George W. Bush is more of a danger to others than to himself," and the dove was, like, I'm surprised McCain was so negative about Paris Hilton since her family gave money to his campaign, and I said, "They must be big hawks," and the dove must have thought I said, "That must be a big hawk," because she flew away in a panic.']

Kiefer Sutherland Regrets His DUI Conviction, and Fashion Sense Regrets His Role in 24

2008-07-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

Kiefer Sutherland recently called his DUI conviction a "dumb mistake," but Fashion Sense thinks the real mistake is his role on 24, because his character Jack Bauer is a torture role model. In The Dark Side Jane Mayer shows how some psychologists have also made the world safer for torture. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Tamee asked me if I wanted to join the Kiefer Sutherland fan club, and I said, "No. I dislike him," and she said, "Why? He said he was really sorry about that DUI thing and really grateful to be on 24," and I said, "I dislike him because he plays Jack Bauer, who is a torture role model for some of our soldiers," and Tamee said, "That's not Kiefer's fault," and I said, "Not exactly, but he did choose to play a torturer," and Tamee said, "It's a free country," and I said, "That's debatable," and Tamee said, "Besides, it's not like he tortured anybody himself; he doesn't control the people who are influenced by him," and I said, "That's like saying Martin Seligman didn't torture anybody and can't help that people are influenced by him," and Tamee said, "Who's Martin Seligman?" and I said, "He's a psychologist who did experiments on dogs in the 70s where he abused them into what he called 'learned helplessness' and then they had no will to resist," and Tamee said, "So what?" and I said, "Seligman lectured to the CIA right before they started using torture interrogation techniques," and Tamee said,"That doesn't prove a connection any more than it does with Kiefer," and I said, "Seligman gave them the science, and Kiefer makes it seem sexy," and Tamee said, "Kiefer makes anything seem sexy," and I said, "I don't think it's a coincidence that prisoners are being kept in dog cages and on dog leashes and being made to bark like a dog and do tricks like a dog and being threatened by dogs -- any more than it's a concidence that soldiers that are fans of 24 start acting like Jack Bauer," and Tamee asked my dog what he thinks about all that, but he was too afraid to answer.']

Bush Wants Offshore Drilling; Oliver Stone Wants Answers

2008-07-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

President Bush says he lifted the ban on offshore drilling for the good of the American people, but it will do little to lower the price of gas in the near future. (We need alternative sources of energy, not increased oil dependency!) Meanwhile, Oliver Stone is making a movie called W. (And Josh Brolin, who plays Bush in the film, was recently arrested during a bar fight.) Stone claims the movie will offer a fair portrait of Bush, but he wonders outloud how such a man ever came to power. Fashion Sense does, too. [Click on this image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'I don't have any companion animals, but I like bird-watching, and I was just standing here with my binoculars when that gull came right over and was, like, What's all this I hear about more offshore oil drilling? and I said, "President Bush lifted an executive ban on offshore drilling because he says us poor Americans have suffered enough from high food and gas prices," and the gull was, like, Bush should pursue alternative energy sources, so us poor gulls don't have to die covered in oil after a big spill, and I said, "Bush says every extra dollar spent on gas is one that should go toward food or education," and the gull was, like, But isn't he the one that started a multi-trillion dollar war in Iraq, even as he cut taxes, making the economy go into a tailspin? and I said, "Yes, he's a very warlike President and not very smart," and the gull was, like, So how could this man be president for eight years? and I said, "Maybe Oliver Stone will tell us; he's making a new movie about Bush, called W," and the gull was, like, A little bird told me that Josh Brolin, who plays Bush, and some other cast and crew, got into a bar fight recently and were arrested, and I said, "What do you think that's about?" and the gull was, like, I don't know, maybe they're Method actors trying to get a real feel for what it's like to be Bush, and I said, "Stone says he wants to know: 'How did Bush go from being an alcoholic bum to the most powerful figure in the world?'" and the gull started laughing that weird gull laugh and flapped away.']

Katherine Hamnett's Organic Cotton T-Shirts with Progressive Slogans Make Fashion Sense

2008-07-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

Designer Katherine Hamnett is making a comeback with her organic cotton T-shirts with progressive slogans on them. While the idea of an "ethical designer" is questionable in a world in which many people can't even afford food, the idea of organic cotton clothing made without sweatshop or child labor makes fashion sense to me. [Click on the image to see a larger version of this cartoon. The text says: 'I've always hated T-shirts, especially oversize T-shirts, and most especially oversize T-shirts with slogans on them, but Katharine Hamnett is making a comeback with her slogan T-shirts, which were big in the 80s, and even though the fashion industry is usually slow as my tortoise to adopt anything progressive, the fact that Sarah Jessica Parker wore a slogan T-shirt in the "Sex and the City" movie is proof of the trend, and there was recently an "annoying" slogan T-shirt fashion show in Australia as an anti-Pope protest ("The Pope is Wrong, Put a Condom On") before his visit there, and Hamnett also uses organic cotton in her shirts, which she says adds only 5% to the cost of the T-shirt but gives 50% more profits to poor farmers, so I bought this shirt with the slogan "Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve, Buy Organic Cotton," because I thought it was a Katherine Hamnett design, and then I found out it wasn't, so I was mad and I decided to give the T-shirt to my sister Gloria because she'll wear anything – she still has a mullet, if you can believe that -- and then I decided that I do like the slogan, so I'm wearing the T-shirt, but now my tortoise and I are in disguise because I don't want to admit to my friends that I paid designer prices for a cheap knock-off.']

Was Cheeta Cheated Out of a Star -- or His Rights?

2008-07-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

Cheeta was cheated out of his star on the Walk of Fame yet again, but if the Spanish Parliament had its way, he would never have had a movie career in the first place. (Fashion Sense says that would have been a good thing.) [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My monkey Peanut and I were at Ceci's house watching Bette Davis movies, and just before we got ready to leave, she asked Peanut,"Did you know they refused to give Cheeta a star on the Walk of Fame again this year?" and I said, "Are you talking about the chimpanzee that was in Tarzan movies? I heard he's 76 years old and living in Palm Springs, so he doesn't have it so bad," and Ceci said, "You know in Spain they wouldn't be able to use a chimpanzee in movies any more because their Parliament has called for rights for great apes -- people can't use them for experiments or in circuses either," and I got a little defensive because I know Ceci doesn't think I should have a monkey as a pet, so I said, "Spain is just trying to annoy Britain because Britain wants to cull the 'apes' on Gibraltar, and Spain thinks they should get Gibraltar back, and why should apes have rights when so many people don't have them?" and Ceci said, "Theoretically, every person has rights, and it's just a matter of enforcement, whereas other animals need protection," and I surprised myself by saying, "A bunch of stupid monkeys don't need rights!" and now Peanut isn't speaking to me at all.']

We Need Sensitivity, Not Stereotypes (Are You Listening, Don Imus?)

2008-07-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe there were good intentions behind Don Imus' insensitive question about Adam Jones (i.e., when he was told Jones had been arrested again, he asked, "What color is he?"). Al Sharpton said he'd keep an eye on Imus, Jones said he'd pray for him, and I decided to take the opportunity to comment on the problem of stereotyped thinking. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I was hurrying out the door, and I bumped into my neighbor, and she said, "What's the rush?" and I said, "I need to find a new place to board my rescued Premarin mare," and she asked why, and I said, "The woman I board with has been arrested," and she said, "What animal group did she belong to?" and I said, "None," and she said, "Those animal people keep getting arrested for domestic terrorism," and I said, "As a matter of fact, she was arrested for tax evasion," and she said, "So it's an antiwar thing?" and I said, "No, and you're starting to sound like Don Imus," and she said, "That poor guy. He can't say anything without being persecuted," and I said, "You really think it was OK to ask 'What color is he?' when he heard Adam Jones was arrested? He claims he was being sarcastic, but he’s not very sensitive" and she said, "Black people have to stop being so sensitive and just get over the racism thing," and I said, "Racism is still very real so it would be hard just to 'get over it,' and Don Imus is part of the problem," and she said, "He's always wearing a cowboy hat, so maybe he likes horses, too. Anyway, tell me about this animal rights antiwar woman that was arrested for domestic terrorism," and I pretended to get a phone call from my horse so my neighbor would stop interrogating me.']

Red Hot Chili Peppers Save Water

2008-06-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

PETA just named its sexiest vegetarians for 2008 (Leona Lewis and Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers), but all vegetarians are pretty special because they use less of many valuable resources, including that most precious one of all -- water. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text says: 'Kiki invited me to lunch so I could see her new house and pool, and I said, "Warning: I'm a vegetarian now," and she said, "I thought only stunted and oddball people like Dennis Kucinich are vegetarians," and I said, "PETA just named its sexiest vegetarians of the year, and Anthony Kiedis was one of them," and what could Kiki say, because she was wearing a Red Hot Chili Peppers tee-shirt and listening to them on her iPod even as we spoke, and at her house she gave me a nice salad, and when we went out to the pool she said, "I was wondering if you would take this goose off my hands," and I said, "But I thought he was an emergency organic meal," and she said, "I recently ate some goose meat, and it was horrible, and also he keeps swimming in the pool which really drives up the cleaning bills," and I said, "Speaking of wasting water, I'm glad I'm a vegetarian because it's one of the best things you can do to conserve water," and Kiki said, "I just went on the Atkins diet again so I asolutely have to have meat -- I mean, when it's a question of survival, you have to ignore the side issues, right?" and I would have argued about what constitutes a question of survival, but just then Kiki ran into the house to get me all the goose's accessories so I could take him home today.']

Grand Theft Ethanol

2008-06-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

The new version of Grand Theft Auto gets attention because of its grim portrayal of city life, but some cities are experiencing a resurgence as people move back to cut fuel costs; anything that helps keep us from using food for fuel is to be applauded. [Click on the image to see a larger version of this cartoon. The text says: 'I live in the city, and when people see me on my bike, sometimes they ask me if my car was stolen, and I don't like to say I don't have a car because people think that's weird, so I change the subject and ask them if they play Grand Theft Auto, which I myself don't, but I do like that song in the commercials -- the one about living in the city and being out of control -- although that game does make the city seem pretty bleak, but I read that lots of people are starting to abandon the suburbs and move back into the cities because gas keeps going up and up, and this city is actually pretty safe, but when I park I take one wheel off my bike and carry it around with me so nobody can commit Not-So-Grand Theft Bicycle, and that's a small price to pay to be energy-efficient, and what's really out of control is that people are so addicted to cars they're willing to turn food, like corn, which both my gerbil and I love, into ethanol, because I think that using food for fuel is another kind of grand theft in this very hungry world.']

Leech Therapy vs. Celebrity Babies

2008-06-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

The media are so excited about the upcoming birth of Brangelina's twins that Entertainment Tonight reported it had already happened (which it hasn't), and Jolie and Pitt will probably get $10 million for the first pictures of their babies. Considering the resources these star children will use, their upcoming births aren't really so exciting after all. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I decided not to go see Sex and the City because it would only make me feel bad -- not only can I not afford all those designer clothes but lately my life might as well be called Sexless and the City; I mean between my leech therapy business and the fact that I'm a fruitarian and president of the ferret rescue network, there are very few men who would even consider coming to my place let alone being naked in it, but on the other hand I don't really mind not having to worry about getting pregnant, because I don’t think I'll ever be ready for kids, even though having babies is very much in vogue; I mean Brangelina's unborn twins are the subject of so much fascinated speculation that big magazines are offering $10 million for the first pictures of the kids, which will supposedly go to charity, but talk about leeches, those twin babies are going to suck up so much of the world's limited resources it's amazing, and they’ll undoubtedly grow up to live a far more consumer-oriented lifestyle than the women in Sex and the City, so I guess I’m actually proud of my environmentally friendly lifestyle, but it would be nice if leeches were better company.']

Sharon Stone's Comments Were Thoughtless, but You Should Get Instant Karma

2008-06-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

Sharon Stone's recent comments about the Chinese earthquake disaster and bad karma brought angry responses from the Chinese. There are better ways to react to outrages against human rights than blaming the victims of a natural disaster (e.g., Amnesty International's Instant Karma CD). [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'When I brought home a shelter cat, my first cat was, like, how can you do this to me; and I said, think of all the good karma this will bring us; and my cat was, like, you shouldn’t talk about karma in such a casual way – look what happened to Sharon Stone; and I said Sharon Stone thoughtlessly commented that China’s earthquake disaster might be bad karma from their hideous treatment of Tibet, which is blaming the victim, and that’s not what I’m doing; and my cat was, like, still we have to be careful not to use ancient spiritual concepts in an over-simplistic way, and besides this stupid cat wouldn’t have been in a shelter if she wasn’t so ugly and unloveable; and I said, she’s here to stay; but I bought my cat a copy of Instant Karma which is the album for Darfur that Amnesty International brought out because Yoko Ono gave all the rights to John’s songs to them; and I said generosity is a far better reaction to a disaster than blaming the victim; and my cat was, like, you’re blaming me for fighting with this interloper, when I’m the victim; but all I was saying was give peace a chance.']

Crystal Skull Not the Most Important Thing at Cannes

2008-05-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

The premier at Cannes of the film Blindness, which was based on the novel by Jose Saramago, was a more note-worthy event than the latest installment of the Indiana Jones series. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'The rats and I watched the coverage from Cannes because we wanted to see how they were going to commemorate the Cannes that was interrupted in '68 by demonstrators because France was pretty lively that year, and we were also interested in the premiere of the movie version of Blindness by Jose Saramago, who really is a very engaging and engaged writer, and has after all won the Nobel prize for literature, which means more than a Palme d'Or in my book, but there wasn't much worthwhile news about '68 or Saramago, just a lot of chatter about how the latest Indiana Jones movie premiered at Cannes and would the critics like or not, and all the secrecy around it, and while the rats are probably more afraid of snakes than Indiana Jones is, they think that Cannes is the wrong place to premier what is essentially a B-movie, and I think that Saramago at 85 is far more worthy of veneration as a vintage treasure than Harrison Ford at 65.']

Polar Bears are Endangered and Papa Bear is a Danger

2008-05-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

Polar bears are on the endangered species list because polar ice is melting, and humans are threatened by global warming, too, but right-wing pundits like Bill O'Reilly want us to believe there's no way of knowing what's causing climate change or how we can stop it! [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'At the salon I told my stylist Jenna that I wanted a different look, and while she was cutting my hair I mentioned that I have a hundred-gallon aquarium now because I keep rescuing fish, and she was a little put off by that, so I changed the subject and asked if she watches Stephen Colbert, and she said, "I think he’s adorable, but I don’t know why he hates bears so much," and I said, "I thought he was making fun of Bill O'Reilly -- Papa Bear," and she said, "Did you see that old clip of O'Reilly on YouTube screaming abuse at people?" and I said, "He's horrible, and he makes excuses for the war and global warming..." and she had to use the blow-drier for a while and then she said, "I heard that polar bears are going extinct because of global warming," and I said, "That's what Papa Bear should be screaming about," and then I said I liked my new cut, but now I'm not sure it's bold enough, and even the fish seem to think it's a little tame, and though they're not crazy about bears either, they regret the fact that the polar bears are drowning, because they know that rising sea levels are a way bigger threat to anybody without gills than bears are -- or for that matter the liberals Bill O’Reilly hates so much.']

Which is Worse, Golf or Aging Rock Stars?

2008-05-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

When David Lee Roth and the Van Halens contributed generously to the Tiger Woods Foundation, I decided to jump at the chance to talk about the negative environmental impact of golf. [Click on the image to see a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Leda was here because her father was at her place watching golf on TV, and she said, "Golf is the most outrageously boring thing in the world," and I said, "I read that David Lee Roth and the Van Halens gave a lot of money to Tiger Woods' Foundation, and I think aging rock stars are the most boring thing in the world," and Leda said, "Lewis Black should do a Root of All Evil show to decide between golf and aging rock stars," and I said, "I didn't say aging rock stars are more EVIL than golf," and Leda said, "But don't aging rock stars and golf both bore people to death, which is inherently evil?" and I said, "Golf courses use huge amounts of pesticides and pollute ground water and destroy wetlands, whereas aging rock stars just act embarrassing," and Leda said, "My dad loves Van Halen," and I said, "With or without David Lee Roth?" and she said, "This conversation is getting outrageously boring," and she went back to her place to tell her dad why golf sucks, and my rabbit, who likes his greens organic and secretly loves Van Halen, wanted to listen to “Jump,” so we went ahead and did.']

Tom Cruise Should Crusade Against Mountaintop Removal

2008-05-06T06:57:00.000-07:00

Oprah went to Tom Cruise's mountaintop home to interview him, and she was awed by the beautiful views. But all mountaintops are awesome, and mountaintop removal is destroying them. [Click on image to see a larger version. The text reads: 'I just saw Oprah interview Tom Cruise at his mountaintop mansion, and she raved about the house and said the views were so beautiful she wanted to cry, and she ended up wishing him, "the peace that this mountain can bring," and I think the interview went well -- definitely better than three years ago when he was jumping on Oprah's couch, which is important for Cruise because people have disliked all his Scientology preaching, like when he criticized the way Brooke Shields dealt with her postpartum depression, but I think there's something else Cruise could consider preaching against since he loves living on a mountaintop so much, and that's mountaintop removal, which is when big coal companies go into the Appalachians and blast the whole tops off mountains and dump the rubble into the streams and valleys below, and my dog and I love hiking, and we hate to think of mountains becoming wastelands, so we think Cruise should crusade against mountaintop removal and then buy a mountaintop in West Virginia so that there would be at least one mountain the coal companies would probably not try to desecrate.']

How Green Are Billboard's Greenest Musicians?

2008-04-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

I love the Roots, but I wonder how green some of Billboard's greenest musicians really are, especially the ones being honored for using biofuels. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: "The day after Earth Day, Billboard named the ten greenest musicians, and I was excited that the Roots made the list because they speak out about nonviolence and vegetarianism, and I'm not a Radiohead fan, but I'm glad they were on the list too because it was pretty radical to make a downloadable-only album and they also pretty much refuse to travel, but a lot of the musicians on the list just do things like carbon offsetting and using biodiesel in their tour buses, which reminds me of that Live Earth concert last year when thousands of people traveled thousands of miles and made a negative environmental impact so they could tell people not to make a negative environmental impact, and while I understand the motive for Willie Nelson's biodiesel, there are food riots going on because we might not be able to use our crops to keep all these cars and trucks going, so we should probably try to be more like my gerbil because the only wheel he keeps rolling is the one he powers himself."]

Brigitte Bardot Could Learn a Lot from Cesar Chavez

2008-04-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

Brigitte Bardot has again been fined for her anti-immigrant comments. She could learn a lot from Cesar Chavez, who helped immigrants and animals and everybody, really. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'I told Tea I was going out of town to visit my rescued Premarin mare, and she said, "Premarin -- isn't that hormone pills?" and I said, "Made from pregnant mare's urine; my mare peed for a drug company for years and then she was slated to be dogfood," and Tea said, "I just saw Brigitte Bardot on the news and she must have stopped taking her hormone pills -- she looks really old and she's always going on about animals," and I said, "Wasn't she just fined for saying bad things about Muslim immigrants?" and Tea said, "She says she hates the way Muslims slaughter sheep on one of their holidays," and I said, "So the French were really kind to animals before Muslims came along? How about the way they force food down a goose's gullet until its liver turns to pate?" and Tea said, "A lot of people that are sentimental about animals are really right-wing -- I mean, Hitler was a vegetarian," and I said, "That's debatable, but Cesar Chavez was definitely a vegetarian, and he did lots of good things for immigrants," and Tea said, "He was probably just too poor to afford meat," and I said," There's no reason you can't be kind to animals and people, too," and to prove it, I left to go visit my mare before I told Tea I thought she was talking horseshit.']

Charlton Heston and Respect for Other Primates

2008-04-12T14:14:00.000-07:00

Charlton Heston died recently, but instead of commenting on his NRA connections, I decided to remember his role in Planet of the Apes and recommend some respect for non-human primates. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'My monkey Peanut and I went to Ceci's house to watch some old movies, and we heard that Charlton Heston was dead, and I said, "Well, we can finally pry the gun from his cold, dead hands," and Ceci laughed, and then she said, "But I did like some of his movies," and we started talking about Heston films, and Ceci seemed surprised when I said that Peanut hates the Planet of the Apes movies because they're so unrealistic, and she said, "What do you think about Soylent Green?" and I said, "It had global warming and food riots, so it was more believable than a movie about a place where the monkeys are in charge," and Ceci said, "Speaking of monkeys, I saw a program on TV that said they can grow up to be really aggressive -- remember when Paris Hilton's monkey bit her?" and I said, "Actually, it was a kinkajoo," and then I said Peanut and I had to go, but to be honest, I've been thinking the same thing lately, that Peanut isn't going to be too happy with me when he grows up, and he actually does like Planet of the Apes movies more than I would like to admit.']

Demi Moore's Leech Therapy and the Health Care Crisis

2008-04-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

Demi Moore's leech therapy seems so medieval, but so does the lack of affordable health care in the United States! [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'I'm a big believer in alternative medicine, and I go for shiatsu and a chiropractic workover at least once a month, but when Demi Moore told Letterman about her leech therapy -- I mean she said they put leeches in her belly button (her term, not mine) to suck out the toxins -- I began to wonder what that meant about the zeitgeist, and I know leeches have medical uses, and they say Demi's trying lots of rejuvenating possibilities because she's a little desperate about being 15 years older than her husband, but it sounds so medieval, and yet with the way things are going in our healthcare system, it's probably only a matter of time before your only option is to go to the barber for a good bleed, because everything else is so expensive and insurance rates just keep going up, and a lot of other medieval things are coming back -- like torture -- so I decided to adopt a few leeches of my own because they say the recession is coming, and I can always use extra ways to supplement my income.']

Favorite Daytime TV Host

2008-04-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

I like Ellen, but no matter what the polls say, I love Oprah for the puppy mill show that she dedicated to her dog. And Phil Donahue's movie, Body of War, is out now, too, which is what makes him our favorite talk show host. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'Brie was here and she said, “According to some poll, Ellen DeGeneres is America’s favorite talk show host, and you know I love Ellen,” and I said, “I heard that, too, but I don’t think people like her more than Oprah,” and Brie said, “They said Larry King is least sexy,” and I said, “Duh!” and we talked about talk show hosts for a while, and finally I said, “Do you remember Phil Donahue?” and she said, “I think he was married to Marlo Thomas, and I ever so vaguely remember ‘That Girl,’” and I said, “They kicked Donahue off the air because he was controversial, but he just made a movie about a paralyzed Iraq veteran,’ and then I said, ‘I love Oprah, but Phil Donahue is my favorite talk show host now,’ and Brie said, ”Well, he’s not on any more, so he can’t be,’ and I said, “ We should start a campaign to bring him back,” but Brie said she was already multitasking and hardly had time to be here in the first place, which I found kind of insulting, and then I said, “Remember that dog Ellen gave away that she shouldn’t have? Well, Oprah dedicated a whole show to her dog,” and Brie left in a huff, and my dog and I watched Oprah on the laptop, so we could be multitasking too...']

McCartney-Mills Divorce Settlement

2008-04-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

I applaud activism, and McCartney and Mills made a nice couple, but the rich are still different from you and me. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'On St. Patrick’s Day I heard about the divorce settlement between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills, and Paul has always been my favorite Beatle and I loved his vegetarian lifestyle and the rabbit loved his opposition to bloodsports, and I admired her work against landmines, and I thought they made a fabulous couple, but the marriage didn’t last, and they said she was just a golddigger and he should have signed a prenup, so the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth, and I guess Brangelina will have to be my favorite celebrity activist couple now, and it does occur to me that actually they’re just a bunch of spoiled rich people, but at least the taxpayers don’t have to bail them out of the consequences of their stupid decisions like we’ll probably have to do for Bear Stearns.']

Getting an Earworm from the Torture Playlist

2008-04-09T15:10:00.000-07:00

When I found out about the torture playlist used in American military prisons, I couldn't get some of the songs -- or the horrible images -- out of my head. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'I’ve been doing some yoga to try to clear my mind so I can get rid of a song that keeps going through my head because I now know it’s on a torture playlist that interrogators use to disorient prisoners and cause sleep deprivation and cover the noise of the screams, and I love music, but I just feel sick when I think about that because I know what it’s like when those two guys that live in the apartment downstairs blast heavy metal until 2:00 in the morning, and I have been known to call the police, and when you remember that they forced Noriega to surrender by blaring music at him, you know what a powerful force it can be, and lately the cat has been acting offended as if to say "the Meow Mix jingle?” because that’s one of the tunes they used, and to top it all off one of the bands, Deicide says they’re proud that “F**k Your God” was used at Guantanamo, but “Raspberry Beret” is on that playlist and it happens to be one of my favorite songs, and now I can’t get it out of my head, and I wonder what Prince would say...']

Weather Channel Founder Wants to Sue Al Gore?

2008-04-09T14:19:00.000-07:00

Fashion Sense commented on the crazy news that the Weather Channel founder wants to sue Al Gore for fraud because he's been warning us about global warming. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'I'm at the hairdresser's today because there was a micro-burst or something while I was walking to work, and no, my hair isn't quite supposed to look this way, it's in fact usually a lot more dramatic, but the weather does seem to be getting more extreme any way you look at it, and I was actually trying to use less energy by walking rather than driving to work, and though there are consequences, I won't stop trying, even if some people say that global warming is hype and exaggeration, and the guy who started the Weather Channel wants to sue Al Gore for getting people worried about it, and by the way, these aren't my fish so don't blame me for that awful bleak aquarium, but I’ve decided to offer to take them home even though I already have six cats because we do all have to help solve problems we didn’t create, and this is supposed to be a cruelty-free salon after all.']

The Academy Awards

2008-04-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

And because Taxi to the Dark Side won for Best Documentary this year, Fashion Sense had to celebrate that! [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'The rats TiVo'd the Academy Awards because I had to work last night, and we've already seen it twice today, and we loved Tilda Swinton's dress no matter who compared it to a black plastic garbage bag, and we weren't surprised that Ratatouille won best animation because we already think pretty highly of rats, but we couldn't believe Taxi to the Dark Side won best documentary because it's been pretty hard to get anybody to talk about torture and extraordinary rendition, and when Alex Gibney said his wife had wanted him to make a romantic comedy but he couldn’t because of all the horrors going on in the world, I admired him a lot, but I also felt a little bit bad that Sicko didn’t win, too, and even though they said this Academy Awards show had the worst ratings ever, the rats and I are going to watch it again and then go rent some movies.']

Belated Comment on the Latest Galliano Collection

2008-04-09T12:13:00.001-07:00

Then I decided that it was better late than never to comment on the latest Galliano collection, otherwise known as torture couture. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'I was out walking the tortoise, which can take forever, and I ran into Liv, who was on her way to that new salon, and she said, “Have you seen the Galliano collection for men?” and I said, “No, why?” and she said, “People are saying it's inspired by Abu Ghraib, and the models have bleeding neck and chest wounds, and they're wearing hoods and nooses,” and I said, “Wow, that's edgy,” and she said, “Gotta run,” and by then the tortoise had gone into his shell and it took me forever to coax him out, and I said, “That’s not edgy, that’s sick,” but the tortoise never listens to a word I say, though on the other hand I’m glad I’ll have something to say to Liv next time because I am just a tiny bit intimidated by her.']

First Fashion Sense Cartoon Celebrates Prince Fielder

2008-04-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

My first Fashion Sense cartoon was done in response to the news that baseball player Prince Fielder of the Milwaukee Brewers had decided to become a vegetarian. [Click on the image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'When I came to Kiki’s place for lunch I wasn’t really expecting steak tartare, and I said, “It’s practically still alive,” and she said, "Mmmmm, bloody delicious," so I said, "Did you hear that Prince Fielder became a vegetarian?"and she had no idea who Prince Fielder is because baseball is so blue collar and she would never be caught dead, etc., etc., and I said, "He’s a first baseman and he felt bad about animals," and then I said, "Did you see those half-dead downer cows in the video?" and she said, "Well, this beef is organic and zero carbs," and I couldn’t finish mine, so while she’s getting coffee I'm letting the bird eat the meat which she said was OK because she’s raising him organic, and trying not to get too attached to him because you never know when you'll have an emergency when not being afraid of a little blood will be an advantage, and I think I’m beginning to feel queasy...']