Madonna Has Turned 50 and Isn't a Feminist Yet

Madonna turned fifty and is still in great shape (and just started her "Sticky and Sweet" tour), but I don't think she was ever a feminist. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Madonna turned 50 a little while ago, and she's still in great shape, and I want to get flat abs like hers, and today just as I started doing my exercises, my cat wanted to talk, and she was, like, So do you really admire Madonna? and I said, "I wish I had a body like hers," and she was, like, And do you think Madonna is a feminist? and I said, "I guess so. She's a strong woman who does what she wants and isn't afraid to be herself," and my cat was, like, What about this thing between her and A-Rod? Do you think they were really having an affair? and I said, "She claims they weren't, but the gossip magazines were full of rumors, and his wife just divorced him," and my cat was, like, I was spayed a long time ago, so I don't know much about the whole sex thing, but didn't Madonna's focus on her provocative sexuality help to introduce the post-feminist backlash? and I said, "I guess I haven't really given it a lot of thought," and my cat was, like, And also if Madonna was really a feminist and thought sisterhood was powerful, wouldn't she care more about how A-Rod's wife felt during that seamy little scandal? and I said, "Yeah, regardless of whether or not the rumors are true, if women like Madonna were really feminists, it would probably be harder for men like A-Rod to cat around, if you know what I mean," and my cat suddenly got very animated, and she was, like, So you believe there's something positive about a pairing of equal partners, committed to each other, with no real room for interlopers? and I said, "Yeah, I guess so," and my cat was, like, Well then why did you bring that stupid shelter cat home and allow her to come between us?']

Julie Child Had to be Tough -- to be a Spy and to be a French Chef!

Recent revelations that Julia Child was a spy for the OSS don't surprise me. Her work for the OSS during World War II is notable, but I don't think her role as celebrity French chef is cause for celebration. You have to be tough to ignore the cruelty and environmental problems inherent in the production of meat, especially veal and other staples of French cuisine. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Kiki just called, and I told her I was cooking dinner, and she said, "God, vegetarians are always in the kitchen," and I said I like to cook, and she said, "Speaking of cooking, did you hear that Julia Child used to be a spy? She must have been pretty tough," and I said, "I think you have to be tough to be a French chef. They turn a blind eye to suffering when they make all that veal and pate de foie gras," and Kiki said, "Speaking of tough old birds, how's the goose?" and I said, "Happy not to be dinner," and she said, "I heard Julia Child didn't like vegetarians," and I said, "Neither does the meat industry, but becoming a vegetarian helps end animal suffering and helps stop global warming. Did you know that the methane cattle and their manure produce has a global warming effect equal to that of 33 million cars?" and Kiki said, "I'm going out to eat, so I don't want to hear any more disgusting factoids," and she hung up on me before I could say, "Bon appetit!"']

Yao Ming Used to Play for the Shanghai Sharks, and He Doesn't Eat Shark Fin Soup

During this Olympic season, Fashion Sense pays tribute to Chinese athlete Yao Ming, who not only used to play for the Shanghai Sharks, but also has pledged not to eat shark fin soup because the slaughter of sharks is endangering these important creatures. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I agreed to meet Amber at the aquarium today, even though I don't enjoy seeing creatures in captivity, because we were watching the U.S. vs. China Olympic basketball game, and she said, "Why is Yao Ming playing for China? I thought he played for the Houston Rockets?" and I said, "He's a Chinese citizen so in the Olympics he plays for China," and she got caught up in the game for a while, and then she said, "Why would he want to play for China? They couldn't even control the weather and cut pollution for the Olympics the way they said they would?" and I said, "It's really hard if not impossible to control the weather, but I agree they didn't do a very good job with the pollution," and she yelled, "Go U.S.A!" and got really caught up in the game for a while, and then I said, "But humans have too much control over sharks and tigers and lots of creatures that once seemed stronger than us, and I like Yao Ming because he made a promise not to eat shark fin soup any more," and she yelled "Go U.S.A!" again and got really excited about a Kobe Bryant slam dunk, and then she said, "You know, sharks are just huge killing machines that eat surfers," and I said, "Sharks are starting to go extinct, partly because shark fin soup is such a delicacy; fishermen catch sharks, cut off their fins and dump them back into the ocean to die slow deaths," and then the game ended and Amber yelled, "U.S.A. rules!" and I was getting sick of Olympic nationalism, so I invited her to see a shark up close and find out what Yao Ming and other people are trying to save, and to my surprise she agreed, and now I'm standing here beside the shark tank, and I love looking at the shark, but I really hope Amber gets here soon because feeding time is coming up, and I don’t really want to watch. ']

Bush, Not Hilton or Spears, is the World's Most Widely Recognized Media Creation

The Recent McCain ad that compares Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton neglects to mention that George W. Bush is actually the most widely recognized media creation in the world; without the help of Fox News and the rest of the media, Bush couldn't have remained in office for nearly eight years. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I'm getting more serious about birding, and I was out with my binoculars, and the first bird I spotted was a plain old dove, and I turned away impatiently, but the dove flew over to me, and she was, like, What's wrong? A common dove like me isn't enough of a glamor bird? and I said, "Really, you're lovely," and she was, like, I saw that bored-to-tears expression on your face; if you want to make a celebrity sighting, take your binoculars to the beach and wait for Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, and I said, "I'd definitely be bored to tears by either of those self-indulgent celebrities," and the dove was, like, Speaking of celebrities, what's up with that new McCain ad comparing Barack Obama to Spears and Hilton? and I said, "Actually our current president is the one who's a vapid but widely recognized media concoction. Bush can barely speak coherently and has proven himself to be corrupt and incompetent. Only the collusion of Fox News and other media could have kept him in power this long. And unlike Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, George W. Bush is more of a danger to others than to himself," and the dove was, like, I'm surprised McCain was so negative about Paris Hilton since her family gave money to his campaign, and I said, "They must be big hawks," and the dove must have thought I said, "That must be a big hawk," because she flew away in a panic.']

Kiefer Sutherland Regrets His DUI Conviction, and Fashion Sense Regrets His Role in 24

Kiefer Sutherland recently called his DUI conviction a "dumb mistake," but Fashion Sense thinks the real mistake is his role on 24, because his character Jack Bauer is a torture role model. In The Dark Side Jane Mayer shows how some psychologists have also made the world safer for torture. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Tamee asked me if I wanted to join the Kiefer Sutherland fan club, and I said, "No. I dislike him," and she said, "Why? He said he was really sorry about that DUI thing and really grateful to be on 24," and I said, "I dislike him because he plays Jack Bauer, who is a torture role model for some of our soldiers," and Tamee said, "That's not Kiefer's fault," and I said, "Not exactly, but he did choose to play a torturer," and Tamee said, "It's a free country," and I said, "That's debatable," and Tamee said, "Besides, it's not like he tortured anybody himself; he doesn't control the people who are influenced by him," and I said, "That's like saying Martin Seligman didn't torture anybody and can't help that people are influenced by him," and Tamee said, "Who's Martin Seligman?" and I said, "He's a psychologist who did experiments on dogs in the 70s where he abused them into what he called 'learned helplessness' and then they had no will to resist," and Tamee said, "So what?" and I said, "Seligman lectured to the CIA right before they started using torture interrogation techniques," and Tamee said,"That doesn't prove a connection any more than it does with Kiefer," and I said, "Seligman gave them the science, and Kiefer makes it seem sexy," and Tamee said, "Kiefer makes anything seem sexy," and I said, "I don't think it's a coincidence that prisoners are being kept in dog cages and on dog leashes and being made to bark like a dog and do tricks like a dog and being threatened by dogs -- any more than it's a concidence that soldiers that are fans of 24 start acting like Jack Bauer," and Tamee asked my dog what he thinks about all that, but he was too afraid to answer.']

Bush Wants Offshore Drilling; Oliver Stone Wants Answers

President Bush says he lifted the ban on offshore drilling for the good of the American people, but it will do little to lower the price of gas in the near future. (We need alternative sources of energy, not increased oil dependency!) Meanwhile, Oliver Stone is making a movie called W. (And Josh Brolin, who plays Bush in the film, was recently arrested during a bar fight.) Stone claims the movie will offer a fair portrait of Bush, but he wonders outloud how such a man ever came to power. Fashion Sense does, too. [Click on this image for a larger version of the cartoon. The text reads: 'I don't have any companion animals, but I like bird-watching, and I was just standing here with my binoculars when that gull came right over and was, like, What's all this I hear about more offshore oil drilling? and I said, "President Bush lifted an executive ban on offshore drilling because he says us poor Americans have suffered enough from high food and gas prices," and the gull was, like, Bush should pursue alternative energy sources, so us poor gulls don't have to die covered in oil after a big spill, and I said, "Bush says every extra dollar spent on gas is one that should go toward food or education," and the gull was, like, But isn't he the one that started a multi-trillion dollar war in Iraq, even as he cut taxes, making the economy go into a tailspin? and I said, "Yes, he's a very warlike President and not very smart," and the gull was, like, So how could this man be president for eight years? and I said, "Maybe Oliver Stone will tell us; he's making a new movie about Bush, called W," and the gull was, like, A little bird told me that Josh Brolin, who plays Bush, and some other cast and crew, got into a bar fight recently and were arrested, and I said, "What do you think that's about?" and the gull was, like, I don't know, maybe they're Method actors trying to get a real feel for what it's like to be Bush, and I said, "Stone says he wants to know: 'How did Bush go from being an alcoholic bum to the most powerful figure in the world?'" and the gull started laughing that weird gull laugh and flapped away.']

Katherine Hamnett's Organic Cotton T-Shirts with Progressive Slogans Make Fashion Sense

Designer Katherine Hamnett is making a comeback with her organic cotton T-shirts with progressive slogans on them. While the idea of an "ethical designer" is questionable in a world in which many people can't even afford food, the idea of organic cotton clothing made without sweatshop or child labor makes fashion sense to me. [Click on the image to see a larger version of this cartoon. The text says: 'I've always hated T-shirts, especially oversize T-shirts, and most especially oversize T-shirts with slogans on them, but Katharine Hamnett is making a comeback with her slogan T-shirts, which were big in the 80s, and even though the fashion industry is usually slow as my tortoise to adopt anything progressive, the fact that Sarah Jessica Parker wore a slogan T-shirt in the "Sex and the City" movie is proof of the trend, and there was recently an "annoying" slogan T-shirt fashion show in Australia as an anti-Pope protest ("The Pope is Wrong, Put a Condom On") before his visit there, and Hamnett also uses organic cotton in her shirts, which she says adds only 5% to the cost of the T-shirt but gives 50% more profits to poor farmers, so I bought this shirt with the slogan "Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve, Buy Organic Cotton," because I thought it was a Katherine Hamnett design, and then I found out it wasn't, so I was mad and I decided to give the T-shirt to my sister Gloria because she'll wear anything – she still has a mullet, if you can believe that -- and then I decided that I do like the slogan, so I'm wearing the T-shirt, but now my tortoise and I are in disguise because I don't want to admit to my friends that I paid designer prices for a cheap knock-off.']