Fashion Sense Thinks Bush is a Better Illusionist Than Blaine

David Blaine's dive of death wasn't considered to be a great success. Now the Bush administration is trying to keep its credibility among Republicans while bailing out Wall Street. If they succeed, it will be one of the greatest illusions of all time. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Leda's father was at her place watching financial news on her plasma screen TV, and he was going ballistic about the stock market, so she came over to my place, and we watched re-runs of David Blaine hanging upside down for sixty hours and making his supposed dive of death, and Leda said, "Actually, that was pretty lame," and I said, "A lot of stuff he does is pretty lame, but Houdini showed that taking senseless risks can sometimes be spectacular," and Leda said, "But Blaine didn't even stay upside down the whole time; he took breaks," and I said, "It would have been too risky to be upside-down the whole time -- it could have made his head explode or something," and she said, "Now that would have been spectacular," and I said, "The rabbit and I like him because he doesn’t use any animals in his act, and also I think he’s trying to tell us something," and Leda said, "What?" and I said, "He was hanging upside down over New York while the government figured out how to bail out Wall Street, and he didn’t do a very good job of it. Maybe he wants us to know that big finance is the greatest escape artist, and the government is the real illusionist, as they try to make a multi-billion dollar bailout at taxpayers expense seem reasonable," and she said, "So Blaine represents the little guy who has to manage his own risks, while the Bush administration doles out corporate welfare and turns everything they’ve ever said about the free market upside down," and I said, "It’s enough to make your head explode," and she said, "I think I better go check on my dad," and after she left, the rabbit and I tried to do a little levitation act, which is our way of saying we'll have to hang tough until we see how the latest Wall Street illusion works out.']

Voting for Sarah Palin Doesn't Make Sense at Fashion Sense

Some women are impressed by Sarah Palin's fashion sense and claim they will vote for her because she is a woman, but that doesn't make sense to Fashion Sense. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Michelle Obama made People Magazine's best-dressed list, and I really like her crisp, classic look, so I tried to dress like that when I went to meet Tea for lunch, and when I got there I was surprised to see Tea in rimless glasses, open-toed shoes and upswept hair, and I said, "What's with the Sarah Palin look?" and she snapped back, "What's in your bag? Some Michelle Obama terrorist accessories?" and I said, "Let's just have a nice lunch and not get too unpleasant in this election season," and she said, "I'm sorry. I'm not even a Republican, and I don't know what came over me. But as soon as I put on this outfit, I got all self-righteous and developed an enormous appetite for fresh-killed game," and she ordered rare venison, and I had a salad and sneaked a little of it to my tortoise who was the real reason I was carrying such a big bag, and then Tea said, "Is that arugula? You are such an elitist," and then she took out her make-up bag and started doing her lips, and she whispered, "What does it really mean? Lipstick on a pig? Is that some Islamic curse?"']

Sarah Palin's Choices Don't Make Sense at Fashion Sense

Though Fashion Sense usually comments on celebrity antics, I think that the extensive tabloid coverage of Sarah Palin's family life qualifies her as a temporary celebrity. Her positions on family planning and wilderness protection are particularly troubling. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'My neighbor was coming out of her house when I was on my way to visit my rescued Premarin mare, and before I could pretend I didn't see her, she shouted, "Hey! Did you hear the Republicans have a woman VP?" and I said, "I couldn't help but hear about it. Sarah Palin is all over the grocery store tabloids, like any other celebrity," and she said, "Isn't it great to have a woman running for such a high office?" and I didn't say anything, so she said, "She's a real woman, just like you and me," and I said, "Well, she isn't much like me because I don't like hunting," and she said, "It's a free country, and you don't have to hunt if you don't want to," and I said, "And I don't like fishing," and and she started to get that combative gleam in her eye, and she said, "Like I said, it's a free country, and you don't have to fish if you don't want to," and I said, "And I don't like guns," and she said, "And you don't have to have a gun if you don't want to," and I said, "And I don't want to have any kids," and she looked like she was running out of patience, and she said, "Well, you don't even have a boyfriend, do you? You don't have to have any kids if you don't want to," and I said, "My mare was forced to bear foal after foal so that she would continue to pee out hormones the drug companies needed, and I sympathize with any female forced to be pregnant," and my neighbor said, "You like to make everything unpleasant and complicated, don't you?" and I said, "Unwanted pregnancy is unpleasant and complicated, and according to what I've read, Sarah Palin is even against birth control pills," and my neighbor said, "I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you gave your horse birth control pills," and she stormed away before I could ask her if, in this free country, I would have to have drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge if I didn't want to. ']

Vicky Cristina Barcelona; Gustav Katrina New Orleans

In the wake of hurricane Gustav, I had a few thoughts on Javier Bardem's aversion to cars and on Trouble the Water, a film about Katrina and New Orleans. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Rosa called and asked if I wanted to see a movie, and I said, "Which one?" and she said, "How about Vicky Cristina Barcelona?" and I said, "I heard it has tons of beautiful footage of the city," and she said, "And tons of beautiful footage of Javier Bardem," and I said, "I read in Time that he doesn't like to drive and calls cars speeding bullets," and Rosa said, "Speaking of cars, when are you going to get one?" and I said, "I’m not. My bike is good enough for me," and she said, "But what if you had to take your injured child to the ER?" and I didn't bother to remind her that I don't have any kids, and I said, "If my gerbil had a midnight emergency, I’d put him in a carrier and call a cab," and then I said, "I want to see Trouble the Water, too -- it’s about Katrina and New Orleans," and she said, "I just heard an interview with Danny Glover, who produced it; he said the reason all those poor people couldn't evacuate was because they didn't have cars, which is another good argument for owning one," and I said, "Or a good argument for decent public transit. And what’s really indecent is that a lot of them still haven’t made it back home again, especially the ones who are African American," and she said, "Hurricane Gustav wasn’t too bad, but they made everybody leave the city just in case; maybe someday we’ll all be evacuated from here for some reason, and then what will you do?" and I wanted to change the subject, so I said, "So which movie do you want to see? Vicky Cristina Barcelona or Gustav Katrina New Orleans?" and Rosa said, "Trouble the Water is too depressing. Let's see the Woody Allen. I'll pick you up at 7:30," and I said, "No, thanks. I'll ride my bike. I need the exercise," which seems to be the one reason for traveling by bike that car addicts don’t try to argue with.']

Madonna Has Turned 50 and Isn't a Feminist Yet

Madonna turned fifty and is still in great shape (and just started her "Sticky and Sweet" tour), but I don't think she was ever a feminist. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Madonna turned 50 a little while ago, and she's still in great shape, and I want to get flat abs like hers, and today just as I started doing my exercises, my cat wanted to talk, and she was, like, So do you really admire Madonna? and I said, "I wish I had a body like hers," and she was, like, And do you think Madonna is a feminist? and I said, "I guess so. She's a strong woman who does what she wants and isn't afraid to be herself," and my cat was, like, What about this thing between her and A-Rod? Do you think they were really having an affair? and I said, "She claims they weren't, but the gossip magazines were full of rumors, and his wife just divorced him," and my cat was, like, I was spayed a long time ago, so I don't know much about the whole sex thing, but didn't Madonna's focus on her provocative sexuality help to introduce the post-feminist backlash? and I said, "I guess I haven't really given it a lot of thought," and my cat was, like, And also if Madonna was really a feminist and thought sisterhood was powerful, wouldn't she care more about how A-Rod's wife felt during that seamy little scandal? and I said, "Yeah, regardless of whether or not the rumors are true, if women like Madonna were really feminists, it would probably be harder for men like A-Rod to cat around, if you know what I mean," and my cat suddenly got very animated, and she was, like, So you believe there's something positive about a pairing of equal partners, committed to each other, with no real room for interlopers? and I said, "Yeah, I guess so," and my cat was, like, Well then why did you bring that stupid shelter cat home and allow her to come between us?']

Julie Child Had to be Tough -- to be a Spy and to be a French Chef!

Recent revelations that Julia Child was a spy for the OSS don't surprise me. Her work for the OSS during World War II is notable, but I don't think her role as celebrity French chef is cause for celebration. You have to be tough to ignore the cruelty and environmental problems inherent in the production of meat, especially veal and other staples of French cuisine. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'Kiki just called, and I told her I was cooking dinner, and she said, "God, vegetarians are always in the kitchen," and I said I like to cook, and she said, "Speaking of cooking, did you hear that Julia Child used to be a spy? She must have been pretty tough," and I said, "I think you have to be tough to be a French chef. They turn a blind eye to suffering when they make all that veal and pate de foie gras," and Kiki said, "Speaking of tough old birds, how's the goose?" and I said, "Happy not to be dinner," and she said, "I heard Julia Child didn't like vegetarians," and I said, "Neither does the meat industry, but becoming a vegetarian helps end animal suffering and helps stop global warming. Did you know that the methane cattle and their manure produce has a global warming effect equal to that of 33 million cars?" and Kiki said, "I'm going out to eat, so I don't want to hear any more disgusting factoids," and she hung up on me before I could say, "Bon appetit!"']

Yao Ming Used to Play for the Shanghai Sharks, and He Doesn't Eat Shark Fin Soup

During this Olympic season, Fashion Sense pays tribute to Chinese athlete Yao Ming, who not only used to play for the Shanghai Sharks, but also has pledged not to eat shark fin soup because the slaughter of sharks is endangering these important creatures. [Click on the image for a larger version of this cartoon. The text reads: 'I agreed to meet Amber at the aquarium today, even though I don't enjoy seeing creatures in captivity, because we were watching the U.S. vs. China Olympic basketball game, and she said, "Why is Yao Ming playing for China? I thought he played for the Houston Rockets?" and I said, "He's a Chinese citizen so in the Olympics he plays for China," and she got caught up in the game for a while, and then she said, "Why would he want to play for China? They couldn't even control the weather and cut pollution for the Olympics the way they said they would?" and I said, "It's really hard if not impossible to control the weather, but I agree they didn't do a very good job with the pollution," and she yelled, "Go U.S.A!" and got really caught up in the game for a while, and then I said, "But humans have too much control over sharks and tigers and lots of creatures that once seemed stronger than us, and I like Yao Ming because he made a promise not to eat shark fin soup any more," and she yelled "Go U.S.A!" again and got really excited about a Kobe Bryant slam dunk, and then she said, "You know, sharks are just huge killing machines that eat surfers," and I said, "Sharks are starting to go extinct, partly because shark fin soup is such a delicacy; fishermen catch sharks, cut off their fins and dump them back into the ocean to die slow deaths," and then the game ended and Amber yelled, "U.S.A. rules!" and I was getting sick of Olympic nationalism, so I invited her to see a shark up close and find out what Yao Ming and other people are trying to save, and to my surprise she agreed, and now I'm standing here beside the shark tank, and I love looking at the shark, but I really hope Amber gets here soon because feeding time is coming up, and I don’t really want to watch. ']